WEDDING NOTES™ – Avoid These

Experienced wedding planners offer advice to brides because they love what they do.  They have lots of great ideas for creating a fabulous wedding, but they have also learned a number of things they advise their brides to avoid.

• Remember that you have invited guests to a party to celebrate this important day in your life.  Don’t punish them for accepting your invitation to the ceremony and reception by having a big time gap between the two events.  If you want to be married in your childhood church in the country but want a city reception, reconsider the time lag and distance between destinations from the guest’s point of view.  It can be hard to plan a seamless schedule especially if you have your heart set on locations miles apart or have ceremony and reception times that don’t line up, but if that’s what you end up with, consider providing transportation for all guests between locations or find a spot between the two where guests can “hang out” and be comfortable while they wait.

• You may want a destination wedding in an exotic spot, but before you book it consider whether or not your family, wedding party and guests can afford to get there or are able to get there.  You may think that declaring your vows on the edge of an active volcano is highly symbolic of your relationship with the groom, but the likelihood of grandparents making the trek is minimal. As one planner says,” Destination weddings can be terrific, but as with any wedding, it is not only about you, it is also about our guests.”  Where possible select locations that are easy for everyone to reach.  A well traveled spot for example is a good choice.  Plan the wedding well in advance so that potential guests can make arrangements to attend.  Provide travel information and group rates where possible.

• Try to stay in charge of the guest list.  Once the wedding budget is established, you’ll have a good sense of how many guests can comfortably be invited.  If your budget is a six-figure event, relax and let parents invite whomever they feel they must.  But if your budget is more real than imaginary, the list will probably need trimming.  Start early and ask both sets of parents for their preferred guest list in order of preference.  That way you can cut from the bottom if necessary.  Try negotiating the outcomes.  It is a great skill to learn.

• Don’t forget your fiance’.  Yes you are planning a gorgeous wedding – but remember that you are getting married to that guy.  Involve him in the planning process.  There must be an area of special interest to him that he’d like to organize.  Honeymoon plans, transportation, music – ask him what he’d like to do.  You do have a life outside of this wedding, so talk about it, make plans for your future together and remember why you said yes in the first place.  It is not all about crab cakes and ranunculus.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Wedding Don’ts

Yes the wedding will be exciting.  Of course it is the biggest party you’ll ever plan.  Yes the “rules” have relaxed and you want your wedding to be uniquely yours.  You can have it and be happy doing it if you managed to sidestep some of the no-nos that wedding planners advise their brides to avoid.

• Superbride is only in comic books.  You are only one person and accept that you absolutely can’t/shouldn’t try to do it all yourself and still be sane on your wedding day.  Obviously you will make most of the major decisions, but don’t get caught up in all the minute details that demand your attention every waking hour.  Don’t brush away offers to help.  People really do want to help so accept their offers.  Make a sound decision and hire a wedding planner to take care of that legion of details.

• Don’t have a cash bar.  You have invited people to this party.  Don’t ask them to shell out cash for some of their refreshments.  You wouldn’t ask them to pay for their dinners or for a piece of cake.  There are plenty of ways to watch bar expenditures.  If you want a bar, you don’t need to have only top shelf brands.  You can create a signature cocktail and offer only beer and/or wine to guests who prefer something else.  You can have an open bar for an hour only as the guests arrive and then serve wine at dinner.  Provide a table of non alcoholic drinks and punch.  Ask a friend or relative to help guests with their beverage of choice. Ask your wedding planner to help with other money saving ideas.

• Do not include gift registry information on your invitations.  Registering for gifts is a good idea.  It helps guests to make selections they know you will like.  However, giving wedding gifts is never mandatory even if the overwhelming majority of guests will give a gift.  The best way to get out registry news is by word of mouth (your mom and bridesmaids) or on your wedding Internet site.

Be a friend to your bridesmaids and not their boss.  Their official function is to witness the solemn event at which you take your marriage vows.  They are there to stand up for you.  Try not to take the “maid” portion of their title literally.  Yes they are willing to help but watch the demands you make on their time and pocketbooks.  Let them know how much you appreciate their willingness to be a part of your big day.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Paper Notes

Experienced wedding planners have shared some thoughts on assembling the guest list and selecting invitations that reflect the theme and focus of your wedding day. 

•  They remind brides that a formal wedding should be reflected in a traditional formal invitation.  Ten to twelve lines of copy using traditional format and wording is still considered correct.  This copy is formally correct, uses full names for all persons listed and follows the formal layout.  An invitation expert can help with any unusual wording situations.

• When guest lists are being assembled, be aware of the number of single guests on the list who have significant others (known in the invitation field as “plus ones”).  It is not considered mandatory to invite the significant other of a close friend, however if there are only a few invited guests to whom this applies, you may wish to consider including those individuals.  If there are a number of single guests being invited, you’ll need to see what doubling that number will do to your budget.

• Consider creating a wedding website and posting it   4- 6 months prior to the wedding.  This is done for the convenience of your guests.  It does not take the place of the invitations but does provide a way to distribute directions, a list of restaurants, hotels and places of interest for out of town guests, and other wedding related information for all guests.  It is also a place to list gift registries and receive some guest RSVPs to the ceremony and/or reception.

• RSVP cards are still in use by most brides.  Assuming you have the time (invitations went out at least 6 weeks prior to the event) it is a good idea to ask for RSVP cards to be returned to you 3 weeks before the event.  This gives you a closer count for the caterer plus gives you time to seek out stragglers and include them in the final count.  You probably can manage it with only a two-week window prior to the event, but three is better.

WEDDING NOTES™ - What Not to Expect from a Wedding Planner

We have heard lots of brides say with great relief, “I have a wedding planner.  He/she is handling everything for me.”  In fact, wedding planners can handle just about every aspect of your wedding, but there are areas that experts say belong exclusively to the bride and groom.  Your planner can make recommendations in some areas, but the final choices are up to the couple.

• You need to assign seats.  As one planner said, “It takes longer to explain the family dynamics to me than it does to just make the seat assignments herself. I can get the seating cards printed and make sure place cards are in the correct places, but the plan has to come from the bride and her mother.”

• You need to set your wedding budget.  The wedding planners can give you ideas and suggestions about how to allocate the total but they can’t determine the amount you have to spend. 

• You need to select the members of your bridal party.  No one else can do this for you – nor should they.

• You need to write your own vows if that is what you and the groom have decided to do.  You can use the standard vows offered by your church or officiant, but if you want to have your own, write them yourself.  And then edit your drafts as often as you need to until you are saying what is in your heart.

• Select your own music for the ceremony.  Wedding Planners have lists of music that others have chosen, but it is your wedding and you should have music that is meaningful to you.  This choice assumes that you have spoken with the officiant and understand the church’s view of music to be played.

• No one else can write your thank you notes.  Your guests came to your wedding and gave you a gift.  The least you can do is show your appreciation by thanking them.  You and the groom may decide to split the notes and each write half, but the couple must do it.

Wedding planners and coordinators can be a big help in not only assisting you with your wedding plan, but also doing the work necessary to execute your plan.