WEDDING NOTES™ – Perfect -Yes, Flawless-Unlikely

Of course you want your wedding and reception to be perfect.  You will invest lots of time and effort and money to make that happen.  Perfect means that all your planning pays off and your wedding day is a lovely event that you and your groom will remember for years to come.  It was a perfect day for you two.

Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a flawless wedding day.  Things will happen over which you have zero control.  We all know stories about cakes that cracked on the way to the reception, flowers that did not look like what you ordered, a bridesmaid who fainted on the altar, a canceled flight that kept the maid of honor in an airport terminal instead of at the church with you, a flower girl who refused to walk down the aisle at the wedding after doing it beautifully at rehearsal or a back zipper that spread apart just as a bridesmaid was ready to walk down the aisle in the processional.

The trick is to make the event seem flawless.  Accept the fact that not everything will go as planned.  That is why we recommend hiring a wedding planner or a coordinator.  It is his/her job to handle flawless.  Your job is to enjoy your day and know that it is perfect for you and the groom you love.

If you do not have a wedding planner, we suggest that you select someone or two to fill that role in advance.  Entrust that person or persons to run interference for you and to calmly deal with the inevitable.  They will be the ones who will make sure the cake gets fixed, and will lend personal rings to use in the ceremony if the best man forgets or the ring bearer loses the real thing.  They are the ones who will oversee the plans and events and will handle the unexpected.  These are different from your personal attendant who will take care of all the little things you may need.  They are the event managers for one day so that you can focus on being the guest of honor.

The role requires tact and the ability to act calmly when others might panic.  Those you select will become managers for the day and will make sure you do get your PERFECT DAY.

WEDDING NOTES™ – PAPERWORK

It is true - getting married requires a lot of paperwork.  Part of dealing with it easily means being organized and collecting as many forms as you can well in advance of the wedding itself.

Remember that women who plan to take the groom's surname will have more records to change than women who plan to keep their own names.  The same is true for any partner who will be relocating after the ceremony.

Prepare all of the forms you can get your hands on prior to the wedding.  Even though some of them may require copies of your marriage certificate, you can be ready with forms completed and stamped once the ceremony is over.   Some couples make it a date night and complete all the forms together over dinner, dessert or coffee.

Aside from personal contacts and wedding thank you notes yet to come, here is a list of the records you may need to change.  Ask your wedding planner, or friends who recently married what other forms or records you should consider.

Social Security

Life Insurance

Health insurance

Homeowner's and liability insurance policies

Driver's licenses

Credit Card accounts

Voter Registration records

Immigration records

Investment accounts

Bank accounts

Employment records

Post office records

WEDDING NOTES™ – A Break with Tradition

As one wedding planner had said, "traditions are simply good ideas that got repeated".  They are not laws.  And that's a good thing.  If nothing ever changed, there would be a lot of grooms who would not get to lay eyes on their brides until after the vows were exchanged, brides who would be stolen and kept in hiding until parents and grooms  negotiated their ransom or brides who would have their heads shaved for their big day.  Fortunately, these customs have faded away and others have taken their places.

The important thing is to realize what customs and traditions matter to you.  If one of them makes you uncomfortable, you should ignore it.  The same is true of family customs.  While you may be reluctant to go against the wishes of family members, be gracious, express your view and if you don't want to be married in the same location as your parents chose- don't.  This is your wedding.  By all means listen respectfully to family members talk about wedding traditions they have known.  Select from the suggestions if they feel right and thank folks for the ideas.

Set out to create some new traditions that you like.  If you and your finance like to celebrate events with espresso and cheesecake, maybe a coffee bar and dessert table would take the place of a conventional wedding cake at your reception.

Instead of forcing single women at your reception to come forward and "fight" for the remains of your bridal bouquet, maybe you'll choose to do what one bride did.  She had her bouquet made with five smaller bouquets gathered into one held in place with ribbon.  At the reception, instead of throwing the bouquet, she untied the ribbon and handed a small bouquet to each of her bridesmaids with her thanks.  Or you could hand one of the small bouquets to your mother, the groom's mother, grandmothers and/or godmothers.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Wedding Themes and Ideas

We are enthusiastic observers of wedding trends with years of experience and plenty of creative ideas to share with our brides.  Marriage is still a sacred and serious event, but today's etiquette allows for many innovative and personal ideas to tie the past to the present.

More and more couples are choosing to exchange personalized vows when religious ceremonies permit.  They are choosing ceremonies which unite children and parents as a new family unit.

The European influence is felt in weddings where children as attendants replace traditional bridesmaids.

Growing in popularity are weekend weddings that begin with the rehearsal dinner on Friday night and end with a creative brunch on Sunday.  Because many families have members who live across the country, a weekend wedding allows time to renew family bonds while providing time for golf, tours and sightseeing.

Other couples are choosing to express their lineage.  Bagpipers play for those of Scottish descent.  Chinese lanterns and fortune cookies appear at receptions and wedding dinners remind one of rustic Tuscan banquets. Reproduction weddings that are based on old time sepia photographs of great grandparent weddings are being seen.

We have lots more great ideas to share with you.

WEDDING NOTES™ – A Wise Decision

We know how time consuming and difficult it can be to make the myriad of wedding plans, big and small, and keep track of them all.  That is why hiring a wedding planner is such a terrific idea.

Your wedding planner can offer a variety of services based on your needs.  From learning exactly what the bride wants and overseeing every detail to things as simple as seating arrangements for divorced parents who don't speak to each other, the planner can do as much or as little as you wish.

Think how nice it would be to have her take care of your aunt who has never planned a wedding in her life but who insists on expressing her opinion of every detail of yours.

Because wedding planners are in constant contact with vendors, current trends and special sites, they will be your best source for creating the unique and the unusual.  

Weddings are meant to be joyous occasions, not events filled with taut nerves and stressful moments.

We encourage all brides to place their dreams of a perfect wedding into the hands of a professional planner. She'll find it will be one of the best decisions she has made since she said "yes" to the groom.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Choose a Prime Location

We believe that the secret of planning a fabulous stress-free reception begins with finding the right venue.  Over the years we've learned plenty of secrets to help you avoid costly mistakes.

As soon as the date is confirmed with the clergy or officiant, contact should be made with the manager of your preferred venues to check on availability.  If you don't have a place in mind, consider options such as hotels, banquet halls, historical sites, parks, art galleries or museums.  In choosing a reception locations, a major concern should be the convenience of your guests.  It should be easily accessible by car and no more than 30 minutes from the ceremony site.  It should be large enough to easily accommodate the number of guests you expect as well as provide comfortable seating arrangements.

Be sure to check how many events will be taking place if you are considering a multi-event location.  Ask how much time is allotted between events scheduled for the same day.  How is parking?  Is there enough room for your guest's cars?

Are there enough restrooms to accommodate your guests?  Review any restrictions the location may have regarding the type, volume and duration of the music you'd like.  Is there a public address system or do you have to provide one?  Is there an adequate power supply for speakers, instruments and amplifiers?

Ask if the facility will provide an event coordinator to cue the musicians for the first dance, toasts, cake cutting and bouquet toss.  Just to insure that each of these activities go off without a hitch, if you do not have a wedding planner, ask a couple to act as assistant hosts to greet guests and managed the various events of the evening so that you and your parents are free to enjoy the party.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Your Celebration Schedule

We know that weddings are filled with many exciting and unforgettable moments.  The commitment ceremony is very special and is considered sacred by many.  The reception is the time to celebrate.  Since this celebration is likely to be one of the biggest social events you'll ever plan, we want to help you make it truly memorable.  Here are some guidelines to help you plan the best reception ever.

Know that if your reception is likely to last four hours, you can schedule activities at a more leisurely pace.  Both your wedding planner and and/or the reception site manager can help you plan the sequence of events exactly as you wish them.  If you don't know where to start, here is an example of a well scheduled reception you may wish to consider.

Usually there are photos taken between the end of the ceremony and the start of the reception.  Work with your photographer to try to minimize the time spent with group shots.  The special effect photos that you want taken should be done before the ceremony whenever possible.  Ideally, the reception site would not be further than 1/2 hour's drive from the ceremony.  Because your guests are likely to go directly to the reception from the ceremony - and are likely to arrive before you and the wedding party do, be sure to have a reception host or hostess at the site ready to greet your guests and direct them to whatever area you have chosen for cocktails or punch and hors d'oeuvres.

Once you and the bridal party have arrived, the DJ or master of ceremonies should introduce you.  If you have not had a receiving line at the ceremony site, it is usual to form the line immediately after being introduced.  However, more and more couples are choosing to greet guests at their tables during the reception or as guests are leaving the event.

Cocktails and appetizers are usually served before all guests are seated.  This is an appropriate time for a few toasts or you can choose to have your first dance.  Next, the main course is served and following that, guests mingle and dance.  Then the cake is cut and served along with whatever dessert(s) you have chosen.  After dessert is when the bride usually tosses her bouquet if she has decided to do so.  Know that fewer and fewer brides are following that tradition.  It is time for the final dance, guests leave and you are off to your new life together.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Advice for Guests

We spend a lot of time dealing with etiquette questions for the bride and groom, but there are guidelines for wedding guests as well. We like to remind guests that they have been invited to a very special party that is celebrating a milestone in the lives of the couple. Guest behavior guidelines are important to consider as one has been invited to witness this event. The presence of the guests is part of their gift to the couple.

Here are some questions we get asked by guests planning to attend a friend’s wedding.

• How do I know if my “significant other” is invited?  If the bride and groom are more your friends than your significant other’s, the envelope would be addressed to you only. The second inside envelope would traditionally be addressed to you and a guest or you and your partner’s name. However, many couples today are eliminating the second inside envelope, so looking at who the invitation is addressed to may give you a clue. If that doesn’t do it, check the language of the response or reply card for an idea. If you know the bride or groom well, you may ask them directly, or inquire on their web page. Don’t be surprised if the invitation is to you alone if a smaller more intimate wedding celebration is planned. And don’t be offended.

• If I can’t attend the wedding but am sending a gift, when should I send it? It is ideal if you can send the gift two to four weeks before the wedding. Know that the bride and groom will be too busy the week of the wedding to do much with gifts. If you can’t send it prior to the ceremony, you may send it after the wedding but no later than two weeks after.

• I plan to give the couple a check for a wedding gift. What is appropriate? It depends on how close you are to the bride or the groom or both. If you are lifelong friends and can afford it, be as generous as you are comfortable being. If you are a casual friend, the rule of thumb is to consider the cost of your dinner and that of your guest – Plus! If you and your partner are attending and giving a joint gift, the guideline is to guesstimate the cost of dinner x 2 plus an extra – either the amount of another dinner or two.

• When should I arrive at the ceremony? It is a huge guest faux pas to show up after the bride has walked down the aisle. The preferred attendance rules are for guests to arrive about 30 minutes prior to the ceremony but certainly no later than 15 minutes in advance. You need to park the car, straighten your outfit and be seated by the ushers. Just remember that when the invitation says 5 PM ceremony, which means it starts then – not show up then.

WEDDING NOTES™ – How Do I?

We gladly help our brides solve awkward problems that can arise when one is giving a party for 150 friends of the bride. No matter how organized one is, it is nice to have an experience specialist – a knowledgeable consultant or certified wedding planner – available for face-to-face problem solving. Every wedding is unique and so can the problems that are presented by the “people factor”.

How do I handle guests who have responded to our invitations and state on the reply card that the number or guests planning to attend is larger than the number we’ve invited?

If your quest count and budget can handle the number of “extras” indicated, chalk it up to bad manners on the part of those quests and just greet them with as much good grace as you can muster. However, if your quest count is already pushing over the budget and you truly cannot absorb the extra bodies, we suggest that you turn to your maid of honor, a tactful bridesmaid or family member who may know the offending guests well. Ask this person to call the guests in question and explain that the bride would love to expand her guest list, but unfortunately it is not possible. The reason? Budget, time, space concerns! If the person is offended – and some will be – they are not true friends. Remember that they are the ones who have overstepped the etiquette boundaries.

If you really want the invitees to attend in spite of their children, and that’s where many overages originate, you might consider adding to the reception card copy that reads “adult only reception”.

If you find that many of your invited guests are bringing uninvited children, you may just arrange for the children to be at a “separate” reception somewhere in the same venue. You can provide “sitters”, large screen TVs, lots of craft items and a separate kid friendly menu that is provided by family members.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Budget Ideas

We know that if a bride isn’t careful, the budget for her wedding can be blown in an afternoon.

Our consultants are experts at helping brides create the wedding of their dreams without the nightmares that come with being over-budget. Here are some practical ideas that we know can help avoid the budget crunch. 

• The guest list. Look at your wedding realistically. You are inviting friends and relatives to help you celebrate this important day in your lives. Others on the list are likely to be friends of both sets of parents. A conversation with each of them about the number of guests is necessary unless you and/or your parents can afford to pay for everything and everyone.

• Big floral arrangements (as seen on TV portrayals of “must have” accessories) are likely to be beyond your budget and are certainly not necessary. Take a good look at the church sanctuary and see if you really need all those flowers. Most do not. They are stand-alone places. Instead of floral overloads, we suggest renting some greenery if you have large places to fill. Use the money to enliven reception spaces if necessary.

• If you have a friend or relative who was recently married, it may be possible to borrow some things – gloves, shoes, veils or headpieces, jewelry. It will not only save you money but satisfied your need for “something borrowed”.

• When you place your order for wedding invitations, order all your wedding stationery needs at one time (including a few more than you think you will need.) Set up charges for hew extras later can be very expensive.

• While today’s invitations offer a wide variety of paper style, colors, fonts and trims. The current trend toward memorable and unique invitations may be exactly what you wanted, but be ready to spend a significant portion of your budget on that aspect of the wedding plans. A simple elegant statement can be made with ivory vellum and an interesting font choice.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Emergency Kit

You’ve planned a flawless wedding and believe with all your heart that it will go off without a hitch.

Your family has thought about and planned for any eventuality. However, should “Murphy’s Law” show up, the wise bride and her wedding consultant always have an emergency kit available.

What should go in your kit? These are the basic items we recommend for every kit. Add your own items as you see fit.

1.       A small sewing kit. At a minimum be sure it has thread to match your gown, the bridesmaid dresses, the mothers’ dresses and the tuxedos. There should be a variety of needle sizes, small scissors and a collection of extra buttons for your gown (if appropriate) for shirt fronts, safety pins and hemming tape just in case.

2.       A roll of Hollywood tape. This is used to keep low cut necklines in place among other handy uses. If you can’t find it in your area, you can find it online.

3.       A small medical supplies box. This should include aspirin or Tylenol, Tums or other antacids, band aids, smelling salts, breath mints and some PeptoBismal tablets.

4.       A box of personal grooming aids. Include a hair brush for touch ups, hair spray (used for both hair and for eliminating static cling on fabrics, hair or bobby pins, hat pins (for securing boutonnieres), your make up, mouthwash, deodorant.

5.       Rolls of Scotch Tape and white gaffer’s tape (you should be able to get at a local hardware store.) These are to be used on emergency fabric tears and on bouquets that “come undone”. Also bring a couple of sticks of white chalk to cover up stains on your white gown.

6.       Other miscellaneous items include: a lint brush, a pair of white or ivory ballet slippers for when your feet scream “take off the heels”, a small hand towel and wash cloth, a couple of zip top plastic bags, Kleenex and a bed sheet (to cover the floor in the dressing room to protect your gown as you step in to it.)

Knowing that you can cover most emergency situations should give you peace of mind. Of course, when you are prepared emergencies are less likely to happen.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Your Destination Wedding

As more and more couples are choosing to combine weddings and vacation celebrations, there are more issues to handle than brides realize.  For couples choosing this option, we have some advice for you.

• ·        Decide on your guest list which will likely be small.

• ·        Really research your chosen destination to see if it will work for you.

• ·        If it is a non English speaking place, contact the US Embassy there and ask about length of residency required before you can marry there.

• ·        If at all possible, visit the location before you make your decision.

• ·        Once decided, book as early as possible and hire a local wedding planner to handle the legwork for you.  Weddings Beautiful is a worldwide network of certified wedding planners who assist brides in coordinating their weddings.  She/he will be your eyes, ears and spokesperson as you create plans via long distance.

• ·        Be aware that other cultures may not always reply as promptly as we might expect.

• ·        Be aware that other cultures may not always have written contracts.

• ·        Learn about any restrictions or requirements that may exist for ceremonies and receptions.

• ·        Be aware of any dress requirements for the wedding couple and/or their attendants.

• ·        Be prepared to pay extra to bring your wedding dress and the groom’s wear on board your flight.

Once you have made your decision, resolve to be flexible and relaxed about the outcome.  Everything will work out!

WEDDING NOTES™ – After the Ceremony

Brides often ask us to explain the proper way to introduce the wedding party at the reception.  Our first suggestion is to insure that the time lag between ceremony end and reception start, is kept to a minimum.  Work with the photographer to have the post ceremony photos taken as quickly as possible so that guests are not waiting for events to begin.

If both sets of parents are going to be held up at the church for a bit, it is wise to ask a couple to serve as host and hostess until parents can arrive at the reception site.

While guests are waiting for the bridal party to arrive, they should be served appetizers and drinks.  

Once the bridal party arrives at the reception, the bandleader or the maitre d’  or master of ceremonies for the evening, asks everyone to stand while he introduces each of the members of the party.  Since the bride and groom are the stars of the event, they are introduced last.  Parents of the bride, parents of the groom, the ring bearer and flower girl, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, the best man and maid of honor are introduced in that order, followed by the bride and groom.  Be sure to check the names on the list for correct spelling and pronunciation when you provide the names to the person in charge of introductions.

WEDDING NOTES™ – The Rehearsal Dinner

The rehearsal dinner is an integral part of the wedding celebration.  It is a happy and relaxing time for family and friends.  It is designed to bring people together and sets the tone for the ceremony and celebration to come.

Traditionally, the groom’s family hosts the party.  They invite the immediate families of the bride and the groom, the officiating clergy and spouse, the complete wedding party and their spouses or dates.  If there are out-of-town guests include them in the evening’s festivities.

It is usually held immediately following the wedding rehearsal held the night before the ceremony.

At the dinner use a seating chart and place cards to help people insure that they meet each other.

While the bridal couple and their parents usually sit at the head table, more and more couples are choosing to mingle with their guests.

As the host, the groom’s father makes the traditional toast to the couple and at this time he may introduce everyone if there is a chance that some guests are unfamiliar with those in attendance.

This party is a perfect time to present gifts to attendants, especially if the items given are to be worn at the wedding.

While it is a party, insure that it doesn’t last too long.  Every member of wedding party needs to get a good night’s sleep so they look their best at the main event the next day.

WEDDING NOTES™ – WEDDING DON’TS

With all of the advice available to a bride on “What to do about…”, there are also a few “don’ts” to keep in mind.

#1 –An important reminder comes from the brazen actions of one or more pretend guests who – according to recent news casts- walked into three different wedding receptions and walked out with the gift boxes that contained cash and cards.  Wedding planners continue to remind brides to make sure that someone close to her or a security guard hired for the occasion, be in charge of the gift table.  Don’t believe that just because you are having your reception in a church or well known club your gifts are safe.  Always make sure that someone you trust will be in charge of the gifts.  It is ideal if all gifts are sent to the bride’s home before the ceremony, but we all know that some gifts and most of the gift cards/cash are brought to the reception.  The table for gifts and the box for cards should never be out of surveillance.  And once all of the guests have arrived at the reception, the gifts should be either locked away in a room provided by the venue or entrusted to a family member for transport and/or safe keeping.

Don’t #2 – It is never correct to enclose gift registration information with your wedding invitations.  Some stores may offer to give you enclosure cards for that purpose, but politely decline.  Wedding guests have always found out where a bride was registered by asking a friend or relative.  Today they can add the bride’s web page to that information source.  Likewise, do not include in your invitations the corner copy that reads “Cash Gifts Preferred” or “Cash Gifts Invited”.  Really tasteless!!!!

Don’t #3- Don’t have a cash bar.  Having one is like inviting guests to dinner and then charging them for the food.  If your budget won’t cover the beverages of your choice, then pick other beverages.  Offer beer and wine.  Offer a special cocktail created for your reception.  Offer punch.  Have waiters pass champagne.  There are lots of creative options.

Don’t #4 – Never seek sponsors to donate things like liquor or wine for a mention or advertisement in your program.  That is so NOT DONE.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Selecting Your Florist

Most reputable florists will encourage brides to make an appointment well in advance of the wedding date.  Some ask for at least three months in advance of the planned nuptials while others can handle bookings a month in advance.

During your initial meeting with the florist, you will share with him/her your wedding style and your budget for flowers. (Note that The Knot.com suggests that wedding flowers budgets usually account for 8-10% of the wedding budget). You should be prepared to talk about colors, themes, décor, venue rules and restrictions.  Bring photos and swatches of your gown and bridesmaids dresses whenever possible.  Talk about your favorite flowers and be sure to discuss the kind of service you need.  Are you counting on the floral designer to do just bouquets and church flowers or do you want this professional to handle all of the design for ceremony and reception? Do you want them to just deliver the flowers to the church or do you expect them to place floral arrangements, aisle decorations (if ordered) and reception flowers? Will they provide someone to pin on corsages and boutonnières at the ceremony or will you? 

Here are some other questions that you may wish to consider asking as you interview florists.  The answers may help you make your decision and final choice of florist.

• ·        If he/she doesn’t offer the information, ask about the design credentials and experience of the florists who will work on your wedding.

• ·        Ask to see the operations area of the florist you are considering. See if there is enough design space to handle both your wedding and other work that may need to be done at the same time as your wedding.  There should be room for your bouquets and displays without crowding and staff to handle the careful assembly.

• ·        Ask about how far in advance of your wedding day they will begin the design process.  You don’t want bouquets assembled and then left sitting in coolers for days.

• ·        Ask how they insure that your flowers will be at their freshness peak.  Ask about the processing system they use to protect and feed the flowers as they arrive from growers.

• ·        Ask to see the cooler space they will use to store your completed flowers.  Is it big enough to handle your wedding needs and other business without crowding?  Is there backup?

• ·        Ask about their delivery system.  You want your flowers delivered on time without being damaged.  Make sure there is back up delivery trucks and experienced personnel handling delivery.

Flowers are an essential part of your wedding environment and key fashion accessories.  Select the best you can afford and make sure of the services you want and need well in advance of the wedding date.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Cake for Dessert

As a part of the wedding celebration – rich in lore and tradition – the wedding cake is a strong and symbolic centerpiece.  There are boundless opportunities to create a cake and cake cutting tradition that can be uniquely yours.  

You can choose the traditional, tiered, all white wedding cake with a bride and groom gracing the top layer.  You can order from a wide range of cake flavors – chocolate, banana, carrot, sponge, almond or lemon.  You can get creative with fillings and frostings – ganache, mousse, mascarpone, cream cheese, butter crème or fondant.  You can select from a variety of shapes.  Squares, rectangles, pyramids and ovals are replacing the standard 3-5 tier round wedding cake.

Some brides are choosing to have many smaller wedding cakes rather than one big one – usually placed as the centerpiece at each guest table.

Some couples on a budget are choosing a smaller display cake that they will cut for photos.  Guests then dine on sheet cakes cut in the kitchen and served to guests from the cake table, buffet or passed by servers.

You can select a groom’s cake to complement the wedding cake.  It can be flavored or have special filling or be a special shape to reflect his interests.

Some couples have chosen to eliminate the wedding cake itself and offer their guests multiple dessert choices from a separate dessert buffet.  Other couples are replacing the traditional wedding cake with frosted petit fours and/or cupcakes or cake pops.

Ice cream cakes are a favorite of some couples.  While they may be a fun idea, cutting and serving these cakes requires patience and speed.

Cake tops are inventive and lovely.  While the standard bride and groom are available, they are frequently replaced by fresh flower arrangements in colors to compliment the wedding theme, porcelain or glass flower arrangements that will be kept for in home display, figurines from personal collections, a tiara filled with fresh flowers to match the bridal bouquet, or frosting flowers which reflect the fabric or design of the wedding gown itself.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Ceremony Ideas

Both religious and cultural traditions have a great deal to contribute to your wedding plans. Within the confines of your church or synagogue’s traditions, there is likely to be room for you to add touches that will make the ceremony even more meaningful.

Consider having ceremony hosts greet arriving guests at entrance doors.  Choose one from each family to insure having someone who is likely to recognize many of the guests as they arrive.  Instruct ushers to be cordial and make small talk with guests as they are seated.

The unity candle is one of the most universal ceremonial touches in weddings.  To make it even more meaningful to you consider adding the feature of having both mothers come forward and each light one of the two individual candles symbolizing the two families that are coming together in this wedding.  After the mothers have lit those candles, then the bride and groom step forward and take those two lit candles and light the larger single pillar candle.  In that moment, their two individual lights become one.

As part of the ceremony, you may wish to observe a moment of silence for or a song played in memory of a loved one who isn’t there for your wedding.  Some couples choose to have a small bouquet or single boutonniere placed on an empty chair to represent the presence of a departed loved one.

If your wedding brings together children from previous relationships, consider giving rings to the children of this new marriage.  The rings could be birthstones or diamond chips and should all be similar.  The symbolism of these rings for a new family is very powerful.

As the ceremony ends, turn and face the audience then take a small bow as a couple and pause as you begin the recessional.  Stop and hug your parents and say thank you.  Exit to special celebratory music.

If you plan a receiving line at the ceremony site, include as many bridal party and family members as you like.  It is helpful to have the last person in the line hand out directions to the reception if it is to be held at a different location.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Children and Weddings

If children are to be included in your wedding party – as ring bearers, flower girls, junior attendants or servers, they will add a special touch to the ceremony.  They will also find the reception fun and maybe, a bit intimidating.

Only you will know how involved you’d like the children to be in the reception itself, but if it will be a long one with a wedding dance, you may wish to consider a “mini” reception for the children of the wedding party and of guests.

Children of the wedding party may precede the bride and groom into the reception and if old enough, introduce the couple to the guests.  Some couples have outgoing junior attendants help to seat guests at the reception.

Consider having a separate bar set up at the reception for children.  Provide juice, water, punch or soda.  Many receptions also include a special menu for children with tried and true favorites.

For wedding celebrations with many children in attendance, most couples arrange for the children to spend some time at the reception, but then adjourn to a special children’s reception where there may be movies, TV or special entertainment.  Hire sitters or young adults to supervise the room.  Before they leave the reception, arrange to have a couple of songs popular with the young so they may dance if they wish to before they leave.

Consider providing each child with a special lunch box or backpack filled with games, coloring books and toys to keep them occupied while their parents are at the reception.  The kids will have a better time AND so will their parents, if special arrangements have been made for a kid friendly reception.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Invisible Budgeting

We hear brides say how much they want a big wedding, but it is hard to do on a small budget.  We are happy to tell them that with careful planning and some creativity, it can be done.  A budgeted wedding does not have to mean cheap.   Let us show you how to have a lovely wedding on your budget.

• ·        Consider invitations that are on quality paper but are not genuine engraving.

• ·        Have the wedding of your dreams within your price range.  We can help you find exactly what you want.

• ·        For décor drama in the church or reception area, consider using rental greens in place of large floral arrangements.  The greenery adds an elegant touch and provides a perfect background for flowers added to set or reflect your color scheme.  Be sure that you choose flowers grown locally and in season.

• ·        While a band for dancing may be your first choice, know that a good DJ can provide music and entertainment for far less than a band.

• ·        Disposable cameras on the tables can cut back on the photographer’s bill, but you will still want a professional at the helm to insure that the critical photographs you will keep for a lifetime are beautifully done.

• ·        Consider having an hors d’oevres/cocktail reception rather than a sit down dinner.  In addition to being less expensive (depending on how much and what you decide to serve) it keeps the party moving as guests nibble and move among tables.

Call or email us for more ways to have the wedding you want without going over your budget.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Aisle and Pew Decorations

Brides often ask us for ideas on how to decorate the aisle and/or pews for their weddings.  Our first piece of advice is to make sure that the bride knows the church’s policy is what can or cannot be attached to the pews.  Whatever decorations are selected, they should not scratch the wood or leave tape residue behind.  Respect for the church’s furniture should be a major concern.

If decorating pews is permitted, some brides choose to decorate every pew on the center aisle.  If that is your wish, consider using smaller, tighter items.  Other brides may choose to decorate every other or every third pew.  In that case, arrangements can be somewhat larger.  For those brides who wish decorations on only the last, the first and the pews that mark the beginning for the family sections, consider even more elaborate combinations of flowers, ribbon, greenery or metallics.  One rarely sees single bows attached to pew ends.  

Some brides attach paper cones filled with flower petals to select pews.  Someone from the bridal party can collect and distribute the cones to guests who can then shower you after the ceremony.

Seasonal items can make attractive pew/aisle decorations.  Pumpkins in the fall, potted evergreens in the winter, colorful paper fans in the summer and blooming potted lilies in the sprint can add the perfect touch.  And an added benefit is that they can be transported to the reception site for continuity.

When chairs are used instead of pews, many brides weave ribbons through the chair backs to highlight their color scheme.

If there is no aisle in the location you’ve chosen, you may wish to create one.  Lanterns, potted plants, flags, pennants, or stanchions with velvet ropes can be used to define your walkway.

Whatever you have chosen to decorate the aisle, remember that the best focal point is YOU – the beautiful bride.  Walk beautifully down that aisle.  This is not a 20 yard dash!  Take your escort’s arm, stand up straight and walk toward the most important moments of your life.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Favors

One small way to make sure that guests remember how special your wedding was is to make sure that there are special gifts for guest to take home with them.   With today’s interest in personalized weddings, make sure that whatever mementos you select carry your names and wedding date.

For a spring wedding consider packets of flower seeds in glassine envelopes with a message from you both that talks about growth and love.

Ordinary mints can be transformed into special packets when wrapped in tulle and tied with ribbons matching your color scheme. Attach a message of thanks to each packet.  Keep the ribbon ends long and place bunches of the packets in baskets for the guests to take come with them as they leave the reception. 

If tulle isn’t your thing, pack sugared almonds or mints or chocolates into small boxes.  Personalize each box with a foil sticker bearing your names and wedding date and note of thanks.

More and more couples are creating CDs of their favorite music and providing them for guests to take as they leave the reception.

If you are planning a photo booth at the reception, provide a small frame for each guest to use to take their photo home.

Some couples prefer a dessert station to a formal wedding cake and instead provide each guest with a tiny individual cake – boxed and ready for each of them to take home.

If yours is a destination wedding, an appropriate favor might be a luggage tag.  An outdoor wedding may call for a small potted pine tree or a succulent plant depending on your location.

Whatever you choose, take this opportunity to share your joy and thanks with those friends and relatives who have come together to help you celebrate your new life together.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Surprise!

A growing trend among couples planning a second or third wedding is the surprise wedding.  While some grooms may like the idea of surprising their intended with a surprise wedding, it takes a very organized fellow to pull that off without the bride’s knowledge.

What we are talking about is a wedding planned by both the bride to be and her groom to be.  The surprise is for the guests.  Typically the couple host a party for themselves – birthday, house warming, Halloween, or no reason – just invite guests and family and  Surprise!  The wedding happens at the party.  Good friends can be brought into the surprise by having them host the party – but with lips sealed as to the real reason for the event.

Of course, some pre planning is necessary – you need an officiant and the license plus it would be a good idea to work out how and when in the party the ceremony will take place.  

You can hold the event in a home, hotel, restaurant, boat – wherever you like.  Just make sure the location chosen is large enough for the crowd you invite and for party foods.

You will want to have the wedding style match the wedding site just as in a ceremony and reception that is well known in advance.  If you want a formal affair, select an elegant location and invite black tie on the invitations you send out.  If this is to be a kick back informal event, invite people to wear casual attire and/or western apparel.

Another approach is to invite people to a house party and then when all guests have arrived, load them into limos or buses or cars and take them to the ceremony site and reception location.  This is a more complicated and expensive surprise but it can be special and memorable.

If a surprise event is on your maybe list, give us a call.  We have tons of good ideas for how, where and when to really surprise family and guests.  With a wedding like this, you avoid a great deal of stress around the expectations that come from a formal wedding celebration.

WEDDING NOTES™ – More hints from Planners

From:  MiMi Design, MiMiWeddings.com

• ·         It sounds like a no brainer, but one of the most important elements of your day is the timeline.  You don’t want to end up paying for overtime for vendors because things ran behind, and you certainly don’t want to keep your guests waiting because the transportation is late.  Staying as close to the timeline as possible is the key to throwing a successful event.

• ·         Instead of decking your space out in crazy centerpieces and crystals, focus your energy and money on things like creative entertainment elements.  One couple we worked with brought in an artist to paint the party scene.  Another hired a caricaturist and guests took home custom portraits at the end of the night. These kinds of activities really make the experience special for everyone.

• ·         While edible and charitable favors are popular, every now and then we see a very specific favor that works great with a fun story or background.  For instance, we once had a couple with the last name Duncan give away Duncan yo-yos.  Another couple who met on an airplane gave away luggage tags.  If they’re relevant, small keepsakes can be charming favors.

From: Carrie Beamer, Floral Fetish

• ·         As your most photographed accessory, your bouquet should harmonize with your gown.  Different dress styles and fabrics set the tone for wedding flowers.  Think:  delicate florals like peonies or lisianthus for a soft lace gown, and architectural blooms like calla lilies or orchids for a modern dress.

• ·         Choose arrangements that look like they belong in your venue.  Small loose clusters of colorful wild flowers would look out of place in a formal ballroom, while glamorous groupings of all white orchids with crystals would not seem right in a rustic setting.