WEDDING NOTES™ – Advice for Guests

We spend a lot of time dealing with etiquette questions for the bride and groom, but there are guidelines for wedding guests as well. We like to remind guests that they have been invited to a very special party that is celebrating a milestone in the lives of the couple. Guest behavior guidelines are important to consider as one has been invited to witness this event. The presence of the guests is part of their gift to the couple.

Here are some questions we get asked by guests planning to attend a friend’s wedding.

• How do I know if my “significant other” is invited?  If the bride and groom are more your friends than your significant other’s, the envelope would be addressed to you only. The second inside envelope would traditionally be addressed to you and a guest or you and your partner’s name. However, many couples today are eliminating the second inside envelope, so looking at who the invitation is addressed to may give you a clue. If that doesn’t do it, check the language of the response or reply card for an idea. If you know the bride or groom well, you may ask them directly, or inquire on their web page. Don’t be surprised if the invitation is to you alone if a smaller more intimate wedding celebration is planned. And don’t be offended.

• If I can’t attend the wedding but am sending a gift, when should I send it? It is ideal if you can send the gift two to four weeks before the wedding. Know that the bride and groom will be too busy the week of the wedding to do much with gifts. If you can’t send it prior to the ceremony, you may send it after the wedding but no later than two weeks after.

• I plan to give the couple a check for a wedding gift. What is appropriate? It depends on how close you are to the bride or the groom or both. If you are lifelong friends and can afford it, be as generous as you are comfortable being. If you are a casual friend, the rule of thumb is to consider the cost of your dinner and that of your guest – Plus! If you and your partner are attending and giving a joint gift, the guideline is to guesstimate the cost of dinner x 2 plus an extra – either the amount of another dinner or two.

• When should I arrive at the ceremony? It is a huge guest faux pas to show up after the bride has walked down the aisle. The preferred attendance rules are for guests to arrive about 30 minutes prior to the ceremony but certainly no later than 15 minutes in advance. You need to park the car, straighten your outfit and be seated by the ushers. Just remember that when the invitation says 5 PM ceremony, which means it starts then – not show up then.