WEDDING NOTES™ - What if IT is canceled?

No one wants to ever talk about the possibility of a wedding being canceled, but for a variety of reasons it can - and does - happen.  There are guidelines we can share with brides to handle this difficult time in as pleasant and civil manner as possible.  Everyone involved finds planning a joyful occasion but no one ever plans to cancel or postpone that event.  Our experienced consultants can ease the stress and guide your moves to handle the situation with dispatch.

If a formal wedding is postponed or canceled after the invitations have gone out, all invited guests must be notified as soon as possible.  When time permits, this is best done with printed cards, rush-ordered from your stationer.  Here are some samples:

·         If there has been a death in the family, the card would read:

Mrs. George Franklin Davis

regrets that the death of

Mr. Davis

obliges her to recall the invitations

to the wedding of her daughter

Saturday, the second of April

An invitation recalled in this manner just indicates that the wedding will not take place as originally planned.  It may take place as a small family ceremony since a large wedding may be considered inappropriate.  The couple may wear their formal attire but they will usually have honor attendants only.

·         If a wedding is postponed and a new date is set, new invitations may be sent out with this copy:

Mr. and Mrs. Douglas John Smith

announce that the marriage of their daughter

Carolyn Jane

to

Edward Patrick Murphy

has been postponed from

Saturday, the 11th of May

until

Saturday, the 25th of May

at four o'clock

Grace Presbyterian Church

Pleasantville

·         If the wedding is canceled, invitations need to be recalled promptly with an engraved or printed card which reads:

Mr. and Mrs. Calvin Benjamin Clark

announce that the marriage of their daughter

Eileen Marie

to

Harold Robert Smith

will not take place.

If time is short, invitations may be recalled by personal notes or phone calls.  Notes should be patterned after these formats and signed by the person issuing the invitations.   Phone calls should be made in the name of the bride's parents.  Reasons other than death or illness in the family are not usually mentioned.

·         What do I do with the gifts I have received?

When a wedding is merely postponed, send an announcement to all the guests, keeping the presents you've already received.  When a wedding is canceled, however, every gift - even those that have been monogrammed - must go back to the person who sent it.  A note expressing gratitude and explaining that the wedding will not take place should accompany the gift, but you do not need to give a reason for the cancellation.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Wedding Customs

We are frequently asked about the origin of many of the customs that are apart of today's weddings.

These customs make weddings unique and special and offer the comfort that comes from replicating many of the actions that generations have made traditions.

*Why a wedding ring?

The whole idea of a circular shape with no beginning and no end has been the symbol of unending love since the early Egyptians.  Early rings were made of hemp or braided rushes which had to be replaced frequently.  Early Romans made their rings out of iron which symbolized the durability of marriage.  Eventually, gold became the standard for wedding rings.  Today the symbolism remains while the ring itself may be made from silver or platinum or onyx in addition to gold.

*Why the third finger of the left hand?

The most widely accepted reason is that ancient peoples believed that the vein in the third finger of the left hand ran directly to the heart.  In the Middle Ages, during the ceremony, bridegrooms placed the ring on three of the brides’ fingers in turn to symbolize the Trinity.  The ring was left on the third finger and had become the tradition.  However, in some European countries, the wedding ring is worn on the right hand.  Many Greek women wear their ring on the left hand while engaged, moving it to the right hand after they are married.

*Why does a bride carry a handkerchief?

Not all brides do, but if a bride chooses to, it will be a lucky sign.  Early farmers thought a bride's wedding day tears were lucky and brought rain for their crops.  Later, a crying bride meant that she'd never shed another tear about her marriage.  Today's brides embroider their initials and wedding date on a lovely hanky, then pass it on to the next woman in the family to marry.

*Why rice and old shoes?

In the Orient, rice means, "May you always have a full pantry".  In other cultures, it is a symbol of fertility.  Today, rice remains a token of a life of plenty.

A red slipper thrown onto the roof of a house, indicates that a honeymoon is in progress.  Among early Hebrews, sandals were often exchanged as evidence of good faith in the sale of property.  Today, throwing a shoe after the bride or tying shoes to the back of the couple's car signifies the recognition of a new family unit.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Some Thoughts on Enclosure Cards

We help many brides with their paper trousseaus and have a wide selection and variety of wedding papers and accessories that can help to make your wedding invitations uniquely yours.  Brides we assist have lots of questions about those print items as they work to create a unified look and feel for their upcoming wedding celebration.  We are delighted to assist and advise our brides on invitations and other items that will compliment their wedding look, and we answer questions!  Some brides will say, "I want to include a card that tells guests where I am registered."  Others will say "We don't want/need gifts.  We are trying to buy a house and prefer money over gifts.  I want an insert card to let guests know."

Our response is careful not to offend the bride, but it is advice firmly given:  "an invitation to a wedding is just that...an invitation for guests to share with the couple and their families, a celebration of the marriage.  It is not a solicitation for gifts."In fact, it is entirely possible that a guest could come to your wedding gift-less!  You have invited the person(s) to help you witness and celebrate.  If they bring (or send) a gift - that is lovely.  If they can't or don't, you still welcome them.  A gift is their choice, not yours.

You register for gifts for the convenience of your guests.  Just because you have done so doesn't mean that each guest must abide by your choices.  A registry is really your attempt to "help" your guests who feel inclined to provide a gift.

Since Bridal Registries began in the 1920s, guest have been able to find out where the couple has registered simply by asking family members or attendants.  Now with the easy access to the Web, guests can go on line and access the bride's wedding site and find out the bridal registry.  Either way, the information guests need, is easily accessible.  Don't send enclosure cards listing your registry choice.

Likewise with requests for cash.  It isn't done!  Don't include it with or on your invitations.  Guests can find that out the same way they discover registry choices.