WEDDING NOTES™ - Announcements and Gifts

We are often asked questions by guests as well as brides.  Brides want to know when to send announcements rather than invitations, or even if they need to send announcements,And guests who have received an announcement want to know "Do I have to send a gift?"

The answer to both is "You don't have to do anything".  However, announcements are a very nice way to inform distant relatives and friends who would love knowing about your wedding but would be unlikely to attend the ceremony.  If you are planning a smaller wedding, announcements may also be sent to people you see on a regular basis but who would not be included in the guest list.

Announcements are mailed immediately following the ceremony and should never duplicate the invitation list.  People get one or the other.

Since wedding announcements do not obligate the recipient to send a gift, brides should feel free to share their good news with everyone they care about.

On the other hand, receiving a wedding invitation does have other implications.  Technically, receiving a wedding invitation to the ceremony only does not obligate the invitee to send a gift.  It is obvious that guests send wedding presents to any couple they care for, but if a person receives an invitation to both the ceremony and the reception but declines to attend, he/she is officially relieved of the obligation to send a wedding present.  If one does attend, it is expected that a gift will be sent.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Double Check

As wedding planners, we know that "Murphy" is often an uninvited guest at weddings.  Murphy's Law is an adage in Western culture which states "If anything can go wrong, it will."

We don't know the original Murphy but believe strongly that the wise bride and groom will use a wedding coordinator to check and double check all of their wedding plans, contractors, vendors, venues.  To help prevent Murphy’s appearance at your wedding we suggest that you have your coordinator call every vendor, caterer, bartender, florist, baker, musician, photographer, limo driver, hair and make-up specialist, as well as both ceremony and reception sites to make sure that everyone has the correct date, time of arrival and address.

Contact your officiant to confirm plans for the rehearsal as well as the wedding.

Make sure that all parties, including the parents of young attendants have the same information.

Make sure that you have all appropriate cell phone numbers for all wedding party members, contractors and participants.

Review your guest list and contact anyone who has not responded.  Bridesmaids and/or family members can help with this contact list if the list is long.  Politely state that you have not heard from them and wanted to make sure that they received the invitation.  

Confirm the final count with your caterer.

Scuff the soles of your wedding day shoes, charge your cell phone battery, double check your "emergency" kit, pick up your gown, make sure all the groomsmen have tried on their tuxes and then relax.  Enjoy your day!   Sorry you couldn't make it Murphy!!!

WEDDING NOTES™ - Fabulous Shoes

Once you have found the perfect dress fabulous shoes follow.  And today you have a wide range of options from which to choose since wedding shoes generally reflect current shoe trends.  You can choose from gleaming satin pumps, lace skimmers accented with detailed beading, reimbroidered lace flats or pumps, dyables or dressy sandals - heels or flats.  Just remember that you want your choice to reflect a silhouette that matches or complements your gown style as well as your personality. 

 As a bride you have many possibilities for glamorizing and customizing any shoe you select.  Not that long ago brides were expected to wear white or ivory satin mid heel pumps to blend with the gown.  Now fashion forward brides are deciding to wear blue shoes to take care of the "something blue" from the wedding day rhyme, or color to match the trim on the wedding gown or the major color theme of the bridesmaid gowns.

While the bride has several options, it is suggested that all attendants should wear the same style shoe if they are wearing the same gown.  Even if you have chosen a color theme and allowed the maids to select gowns that are similar if not exact, the shoes should be a similar style.

For foot comfort on the big day, wear your shoes several times in advance of the wedding.  It's hard to smile when your feet are hurting.  Some brides bring a second pair of shoes for dancing at the reception.  And - for safety's sake, score or sandpaper the soles of your shoes to avoid slipping.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Your Checklist and Helpful Hints

With years of experience in helping brides create their perfect day, we have developed a list of "things to do" as you plan your wedding.   Here are some of the key areas to remember.

 Beyond the obvious of determining your date and time, we urge you to book the church or wedding site before your reception area.  Be sure to read the church policies concerning weddings to have a clear understanding of what is and is not allowed.  If you are planning an interfaith marriage, be sure that it is allowed in the church you have chosen and that the officiant will indeed perform the ceremony.

Get every detail in writing.  That includes expected delivery dates for your gown and the bridesmaids as well as written contracts that spell out all details with all vendors.

Double/triple check on details for the reception, photography, flowers and musicians if you are not employing a wedding planner.

While they are adorable, rethink your desire to use very young children in your ceremony.  If you decide to use them, be prepared for the unexpected.  They can either complement your ceremony or cause such a commotion that guests remember the child's behavior and not your lovely ceremony.

If your bridesmaids are all to be dressed alike, be sure that all of the dresses are ordered at the same time from the same bridal shop because dye lots can and do vary.

To share your happiness and good fortune, arrange to donate leftover food from your reception to a food shelf or "community cafe".  Have someone in charge of taking flowers to a nursing home or hospital if they are not being left at the church for its Sunday services.

Ask a good friend or relative and her husband to be your official reception hosts.  Parents get busy, after ceremony photos can take longer than expected and the wedding party may be delayed.  Having official hosts whose names are listed in the programs, lets you relax and know that your guests are attended to and made comfortable.

This is likely to be the biggest party you will ever give.  With some strong pre event planning it can go off without a hitch.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Church Guidelines

We find that many brides are not aware that most churches have policies in place that govern what can and cannot be done at a wedding.  While your individual church will have its own rules and regulations, in general most churches have these guidelines in place.

Typically a church will not allow permanently attached furniture to be moved.  No thumbtacks or nails can be driven into the woodwork nor can anything be used that might deface it.

Saucers or mats must be placed under all palms, greenery or floral arrangements that rest on the floor/carpeting or are not in waterproof containers.

All arrangements for music, ceremony and decorations must be submitted in advance and are subject to the approval of the officiant or the wedding coordinator for that particular church.

Floral arrangements or candles that must be taped to each pew are likely to be forbidden.  The best rule to follow is that decorations should be kept to a minimum so as not to detract from the dignity of the sanctuary.

The church may require that its organist be engaged.  It may require that no photos -especially flash photos - be taken during the ceremony.

In order to streamline procedures on the ceremony day, many may require that all fees be paid prior to or at the rehearsal.

It is expected that no trash or personal belongings be left behind in the building.

If you have not been provided with a printed set of guidelines for the place you have chosen for your ceremony, be sure to ask for clarification.  In popular months, certain weekends will likely host multiple ceremonies so churches have a right to expect cooperation from all of their wedding parties.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Programs

Brides often ask what they should include in their wedding programs and some ask why they even need them.  If your wedding is a small intimate family only affair, perhaps you don't need one.  But if your wedding is large enough that guests may not know all of the members of the wedding party, be sure to have a program available.  

The basic reason to have a program is to be sure that your guests can easily follow your ceremony and know the names of the members of the wedding party.  Using the point of view of the guests who will use the program should guide its organization.  Whether you have chosen a very elegant and formal program or a one page guide the purpose is the same.  

The first listing is the obvious - the names of the bride and groom, the date, the time and the location followed by the order of events in the service.  Next listed are the names of both sets of the parents, attendants, musicians, soloists, readers and the officiant.  The wedding party should be listed in the order they walk down the aisle.

The names of the composer of the music that is being used should be included.  If a song is to be dedicated to a deceased loved one, the program is where it is listed.

If the marriage is intercultural, it is helpful to describe the different religious or ethnic rituals that will be incorporated into the ceremony and why.

If a special prayer(s) is being included, it should be printed in the program.

Some couples include a thank you to their guests for being at the wedding and witnessing the vows.

Programs may be a simple as a bi-fold, computer generated creation or as elaborate as a ribbon-trimmed booklet filled with photos of the couple.  Whatever its format, its purpose is to make guests familiar with the participants and the order of service.

Order at least one per couple attending the ceremony.  It is usual to ask relatives or friends who are not actively participating in the ceremony to hand out programs to guests as they enter the church or ceremony venue.