WEDDING NOTES™ - The Bride, The Gown and MOM

TV shows have done a great disservice to brides by broadcasting programs that show a bride entering a salon with her "entourage".  While it may make for good TV, it doesn't make for wonderful shopping.

Most brides and moms would advise others not to miss the opportunity to shop for THE GOWN together.  Just you two. Leave the grandmothers and aunts and full bridesmaid contingent home. It can be a wonderful experience for both the mom and her daughter.  But know that it can also be disappointing if the bride is expecting support for her choices and mom can't/won't give it.  As one expert said, "The bride may look for mom's approval, but she's doing it because she's nervous about the choice, not because she wants mom to choose for her."

What should mom do if her daughter truly loves a gown she doesn't particularly care for?  Stop and think about her reasons for not liking it.  Maybe it's not her taste in gowns.  If a mom is tailored and the daughter more flamboyant, it's likely that they'll disagree but it is up to mom to realize that it's not her gown, it's her daughter's.  The bride has a style of her own and she wants the gown to reflect who she is.  Mom can offer thoughts which support her preference but in the end, it is the bride's choice.

Mom can offer comments around these topics:

• ·         Seasonality - is it the right dress for a summer wedding or a beach wedding?

• ·         Cut - is it too tight or too low?  But be careful how this is said. You both want the bride to look her best on this important day.  Does the gown emphasize the bride's best features?

• ·         Comfort - will the bride be able to sit, move, dance and bend in the gown?

• ·         Budget - is it in line with what the bride's budget projected?

• ·         Alterations - be supportive of any changes the bride would like.  Remember that a good seamstress can work wonders.  Expect that some adjustments will need t be made.  Unless one is having a gown custom made, alterations are usual.

Handled correctly - with sensitivity and genuine affection for the bride on her big day, this shopping experience can and should be a special and memorable time for mom and her daughter.