WEDDING NOTES™ – Cash Requested?

There are a number of web sites and blogs that have – in effect – approved the request for a cash gift as a “discreet mention” on the wedding invitation.  We can hardly believe that someone who claims to be a wedding professional is offering that kind of advice to brides.  Some do acknowledge that it is difficult to ask for money and that some guests may take offence.  Hello!

Every professional wedding planner or consultant should acknowledge the first rule stated beautifully by Emily Post.  “Some traditions never go out of style.  A few that hold true:  No mention of gifts, even “no gifts, please” is made on a wedding invitation.”  This holds doubly true for cash.  “Sharing information on a wedding website is fine, and that site may offer registry information.”  The guideline is:  Don’t include registry or gift information with your invitation.  It is in poor taste to include a list of places where the bride and groom are registered or a checklist of the things they do and don’t want.  And this guide certainly applies to cash. 

We do acknowledge that outside of the very formal traditional invitation where wording follows a time-honored formula, more couples are choosing new wording options.  The best advice to give brides is that any wording they chose that is both “respectful of their guests and true to themselves will be fine.”  (Emily Post) It is important that invitations read as correct grammatical statements and provide guests with all the information they need about who, when, where and how to reply.

Help your bride to understand that there is no way to dictate to guests what they choose to give. Tell her that if she is asked what she would like by a close relative, it is fine to answer honestly and politely that the couple is saving for a down payment on a house, but that whatever that person chooses will be appreciated.  Rely on parents, friends, and attendants to spread the word that cash gifts are appreciated or have those same people provide the information about where the couple is registered.

For more help with etiquette questions, call us and talk over your issues with one of our experienced consultants.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Cost Savings Ideas

The National Retail Federation commissioned a survey on consumer spending conducted by a major research firm.  There were many economic indicators that tended to vary by product area.  But when asked to summarize the findings, the conclusion was “Spend where you need to, save where you can.”  This is good advice for our brides.  Couples coming to us for ideas on how to save money without hurting their wedding dreams find wonderful and practical ideas.

We always counsel our brides to be aware of ways to either bring costs down or keep them in check.  Done in the right places, there are many ways to save on costs and take nothing away from the wedding they have planned.

Because it is the most costly aspect of most wedding plans, major savings can be realized through reception adjustments.  We recommend that our brides consider these ideas.

• Look for a location that both fits the occasion and requires very little decorating enhancements.  Many spots are fine the way they are.  If brides wish to add décor, most event planners would agree that creating one large decorative element is not only dramatic, but also more budget friendly than a dozen smaller elements scattered around the room.

• When considering decorating options, always picture the room full.  We counsel brides not to spend excess dollars on décor items that only the first few guests walking into the room will see.  Don’t waste money on decorating the skirting of any of the tables for instance.  As one wedding planner says, “Think tabletop and up”.

• During receptions, caterers will say that people tend to take less food if it is passed by the wait staff than if it is placed on a buffet table.  The same is true of champagne or other beverages.  The good news about this is that less food or liquor can be ordered and guests still feel pampered.

• If it is important to the couple to serve a sit down dinner, we suggest that instead of ordering just one high-end entrée they order half portions of two main entrée items.  For example, combining half portions of prime rib and chicken breast, helps to bring down the cost per plate while offering guests a selection with depth.

• One consultant suggests ordering sandwiches for entertainers and servers instead of the full banquet meal, and having them set up in a separate room from wedding guests.  It gives the staff a place to “get away” for a break and provides food that they can “grab and go” if needed.

For more “invisible” ways to manage costs at your reception, talk with one of our experienced consultants.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Bridesmaids

The history of bridesmaids is time and culture dependent.  However, their main charge seems to have been to “protect” the bride, “intervene” on her behalf and/or help outsmart the evil spirits who gathered as a group at weddings and other happy events.

Today’s bridesmaids still fulfill some of those roles, even if the evil spirit happens to a former boyfriend with too much champagne and too little class, or a college roommate who thinks it would be fun to “steal” the bride between the ceremony and the reception.  Bridesmaids can often be the voice of reason when they hear “Let’s ______, it’ll be funny.  You’ll see.”  They can put a stop to nonsense early.

Bridesmaids give up time and money in return for the honor of being witnesses to the bride’s very special day.  We urge our brides to remember the important role they play in her wedding and to pay attention to thanking them for their help and caring.

Here are some tips we have gathered over the years.

• Selecting the bridesmaids’ dresses does not have to be an occasion of conflict.  Cost, style, color and accessories can be issues only if you let them.  If you can help financially, by all means do so.  If your wedding party represents a wide collection of sizes and shapes, work closely with a skilled and experienced wedding consultant who knows the best vendors to chose to work with your wedding.  An experienced retailer will work hard to make sure that the shopping experience is rewarding for all, and will insure that what you have ordered is what you’ll receive.  If the bridal retailer is a member of National Bridal Service, you can relax and know that all will be well.

• Make sure that your bridesmaids are getting enough attention from you.  Keep them in the loop about events and plans.  Accept help if it is offered.

• Make sure they have a clear idea of what to do and what you expect.  Your maid of honor can take on the responsibility of keeping all maids in the loop.  Don’t be too demanding.  Just because your wedding is consuming your every waking moment, bridesmaids do have lives beyond the wedding.

• Be sure to assemble a survival kit for the wedding.  Work with your personal attendant to make sure all necessary items are in the kit and trust her to bring it to the dressing area of the ceremony location, and to reclaim it after the ceremony. A good wedding planner will always take good care of this.

• Make sure to thank bridesmaids often.  Thoughtful gifts are appreciated. 

Take time to ask questions, share concerns and plan ways to make bridesmaids feel truly a part of this very special day.

WEDDING NOTES™ – The Center of Attention

Brides frequently ask us about centerpieces for their wedding reception.

The list of options is long and varied but these are some of the most often used by brides.

If your florist is providing centerpieces for your reception, work closely with him/her to be sure that the theme or color thread you have chosen for your wedding continues to the reception area.  We have seen weddings where one theme dominates the ceremony and another is chosen for the reception.  If the two are complimentary, it is soothing.   If the choices are worlds apart, it can be jarring to move from one to another.  Complimentary themes are comfortable.

If you are handling reception centerpieces on your own, here are some ideas to keep in mind.

• A centerpiece should never block a guest’s view.

• If color has been a theme for your wedding celebration – introduced in the invitations and save the date cards – it should continue through the reception and any next day celebrations you plan.
• For informal centerpieces arrange flowers to have a “just picked” look.  Use wild flowers or branches of seasonal flowers for an unusual impact. 
• Formal centerpieces are usually symmetrical in either a triangular, circular or rectangular shape.
• Flowers may be used as a centerpiece and/or casually placed at each place setting.
• Create a still life with fruits, flowers and vines arranged on a lovely tray.
• Pitchers – used singly or in groups, make attractive containers.
• Pretty baskets filled with blooming plants and tucked in with moss work well.
• Arrange several crystal candlesticks on a mirror as a centerpiece.  Insert candles in your color theme or use creamy white.  Just remember that they should be tall enough to be above eye level or low enough so that the flame will not be annoying.
• Also grouped on a mirror, consider using wine glasses each with a flower afloat.
• If the facility can handle it, some centerpieces can be hung above the tables in special baskets.

Remember that the size and shape of a centerpiece should be in proportion to the table and flowers should never be so fragrant that they overpower the food served.

Contact us for more centerpieces ideas.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Men’s Wedding Attire

We know that many if not most men prefer casual clothing styles.  An amazing number of men for whom we provide tuxedos for weddings and other formal events, spend some time “grousing” about getting “dressed up”.  But once in their tuxedos they seem to relax and notice how good they really look. 

While traditional rules are used as guidelines, we feel there are many options to accommodate personal preference in the area of men’s formalwear.  One of the most noticeable influences is the increase in color as an accent.  Today’s couples are getting married in a classic, yet contemporary style.  Choosing colored cummerbunds, ties and pocket squares to complement bridesmaid dresses provides a unique flair to the entire wedding party.  Designers continue to show updated silhouettes for the men in the party that offer both style and comfort.

As a guideline, remember that medium or darker colors are fine anytime, but are more appropriate during the evening or in winter months.  Tails are proper anytime, but are most commonly worn by the groom only rather than the entire wedding party.

As for guests who appear at your lovely wedding in casual clothes or worse, jeans, there is a way to spread the message about your expectations.  Never on the wedding invitation but on the reception card, just add the line “Black Tie Invited”.  This offers your guests a guideline as to what dress code is expected.  Some guests may indeed wear a tux, but this three-word addition is bound to generate more suits and less casual attire.