WEDDING NOTES™ – PAPERWORK

It is true - getting married requires a lot of paperwork.  Part of dealing with it easily means being organized and collecting as many forms as you can well in advance of the wedding itself.

Remember that women who plan to take the groom's surname will have more records to change than women who plan to keep their own names.  The same is true for any partner who will be relocating after the ceremony.

Prepare all of the forms you can get your hands on prior to the wedding.  Even though some of them may require copies of your marriage certificate, you can be ready with forms completed and stamped once the ceremony is over.   Some couples make it a date night and complete all the forms together over dinner, dessert or coffee.

Aside from personal contacts and wedding thank you notes yet to come, here is a list of the records you may need to change.  Ask your wedding planner, or friends who recently married what other forms or records you should consider.

Social Security

Life Insurance

Health insurance

Homeowner's and liability insurance policies

Driver's licenses

Credit Card accounts

Voter Registration records

Immigration records

Investment accounts

Bank accounts

Employment records

Post office records

WEDDING NOTES™ – A Break with Tradition

As one wedding planner had said, "traditions are simply good ideas that got repeated".  They are not laws.  And that's a good thing.  If nothing ever changed, there would be a lot of grooms who would not get to lay eyes on their brides until after the vows were exchanged, brides who would be stolen and kept in hiding until parents and grooms  negotiated their ransom or brides who would have their heads shaved for their big day.  Fortunately, these customs have faded away and others have taken their places.

The important thing is to realize what customs and traditions matter to you.  If one of them makes you uncomfortable, you should ignore it.  The same is true of family customs.  While you may be reluctant to go against the wishes of family members, be gracious, express your view and if you don't want to be married in the same location as your parents chose- don't.  This is your wedding.  By all means listen respectfully to family members talk about wedding traditions they have known.  Select from the suggestions if they feel right and thank folks for the ideas.

Set out to create some new traditions that you like.  If you and your finance like to celebrate events with espresso and cheesecake, maybe a coffee bar and dessert table would take the place of a conventional wedding cake at your reception.

Instead of forcing single women at your reception to come forward and "fight" for the remains of your bridal bouquet, maybe you'll choose to do what one bride did.  She had her bouquet made with five smaller bouquets gathered into one held in place with ribbon.  At the reception, instead of throwing the bouquet, she untied the ribbon and handed a small bouquet to each of her bridesmaids with her thanks.  Or you could hand one of the small bouquets to your mother, the groom's mother, grandmothers and/or godmothers.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Wedding Themes and Ideas

We are enthusiastic observers of wedding trends with years of experience and plenty of creative ideas to share with our brides.  Marriage is still a sacred and serious event, but today's etiquette allows for many innovative and personal ideas to tie the past to the present.

More and more couples are choosing to exchange personalized vows when religious ceremonies permit.  They are choosing ceremonies which unite children and parents as a new family unit.

The European influence is felt in weddings where children as attendants replace traditional bridesmaids.

Growing in popularity are weekend weddings that begin with the rehearsal dinner on Friday night and end with a creative brunch on Sunday.  Because many families have members who live across the country, a weekend wedding allows time to renew family bonds while providing time for golf, tours and sightseeing.

Other couples are choosing to express their lineage.  Bagpipers play for those of Scottish descent.  Chinese lanterns and fortune cookies appear at receptions and wedding dinners remind one of rustic Tuscan banquets. Reproduction weddings that are based on old time sepia photographs of great grandparent weddings are being seen.

We have lots more great ideas to share with you.

WEDDING NOTES™ – A Wise Decision

We know how time consuming and difficult it can be to make the myriad of wedding plans, big and small, and keep track of them all.  That is why hiring a wedding planner is such a terrific idea.

Your wedding planner can offer a variety of services based on your needs.  From learning exactly what the bride wants and overseeing every detail to things as simple as seating arrangements for divorced parents who don't speak to each other, the planner can do as much or as little as you wish.

Think how nice it would be to have her take care of your aunt who has never planned a wedding in her life but who insists on expressing her opinion of every detail of yours.

Because wedding planners are in constant contact with vendors, current trends and special sites, they will be your best source for creating the unique and the unusual.  

Weddings are meant to be joyous occasions, not events filled with taut nerves and stressful moments.

We encourage all brides to place their dreams of a perfect wedding into the hands of a professional planner. She'll find it will be one of the best decisions she has made since she said "yes" to the groom.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Choose a Prime Location

We believe that the secret of planning a fabulous stress-free reception begins with finding the right venue.  Over the years we've learned plenty of secrets to help you avoid costly mistakes.

As soon as the date is confirmed with the clergy or officiant, contact should be made with the manager of your preferred venues to check on availability.  If you don't have a place in mind, consider options such as hotels, banquet halls, historical sites, parks, art galleries or museums.  In choosing a reception locations, a major concern should be the convenience of your guests.  It should be easily accessible by car and no more than 30 minutes from the ceremony site.  It should be large enough to easily accommodate the number of guests you expect as well as provide comfortable seating arrangements.

Be sure to check how many events will be taking place if you are considering a multi-event location.  Ask how much time is allotted between events scheduled for the same day.  How is parking?  Is there enough room for your guest's cars?

Are there enough restrooms to accommodate your guests?  Review any restrictions the location may have regarding the type, volume and duration of the music you'd like.  Is there a public address system or do you have to provide one?  Is there an adequate power supply for speakers, instruments and amplifiers?

Ask if the facility will provide an event coordinator to cue the musicians for the first dance, toasts, cake cutting and bouquet toss.  Just to insure that each of these activities go off without a hitch, if you do not have a wedding planner, ask a couple to act as assistant hosts to greet guests and managed the various events of the evening so that you and your parents are free to enjoy the party.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Your Celebration Schedule

We know that weddings are filled with many exciting and unforgettable moments.  The commitment ceremony is very special and is considered sacred by many.  The reception is the time to celebrate.  Since this celebration is likely to be one of the biggest social events you'll ever plan, we want to help you make it truly memorable.  Here are some guidelines to help you plan the best reception ever.

Know that if your reception is likely to last four hours, you can schedule activities at a more leisurely pace.  Both your wedding planner and and/or the reception site manager can help you plan the sequence of events exactly as you wish them.  If you don't know where to start, here is an example of a well scheduled reception you may wish to consider.

Usually there are photos taken between the end of the ceremony and the start of the reception.  Work with your photographer to try to minimize the time spent with group shots.  The special effect photos that you want taken should be done before the ceremony whenever possible.  Ideally, the reception site would not be further than 1/2 hour's drive from the ceremony.  Because your guests are likely to go directly to the reception from the ceremony - and are likely to arrive before you and the wedding party do, be sure to have a reception host or hostess at the site ready to greet your guests and direct them to whatever area you have chosen for cocktails or punch and hors d'oeuvres.

Once you and the bridal party have arrived, the DJ or master of ceremonies should introduce you.  If you have not had a receiving line at the ceremony site, it is usual to form the line immediately after being introduced.  However, more and more couples are choosing to greet guests at their tables during the reception or as guests are leaving the event.

Cocktails and appetizers are usually served before all guests are seated.  This is an appropriate time for a few toasts or you can choose to have your first dance.  Next, the main course is served and following that, guests mingle and dance.  Then the cake is cut and served along with whatever dessert(s) you have chosen.  After dessert is when the bride usually tosses her bouquet if she has decided to do so.  Know that fewer and fewer brides are following that tradition.  It is time for the final dance, guests leave and you are off to your new life together.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Advice for Guests

We spend a lot of time dealing with etiquette questions for the bride and groom, but there are guidelines for wedding guests as well. We like to remind guests that they have been invited to a very special party that is celebrating a milestone in the lives of the couple. Guest behavior guidelines are important to consider as one has been invited to witness this event. The presence of the guests is part of their gift to the couple.

Here are some questions we get asked by guests planning to attend a friend’s wedding.

• How do I know if my “significant other” is invited?  If the bride and groom are more your friends than your significant other’s, the envelope would be addressed to you only. The second inside envelope would traditionally be addressed to you and a guest or you and your partner’s name. However, many couples today are eliminating the second inside envelope, so looking at who the invitation is addressed to may give you a clue. If that doesn’t do it, check the language of the response or reply card for an idea. If you know the bride or groom well, you may ask them directly, or inquire on their web page. Don’t be surprised if the invitation is to you alone if a smaller more intimate wedding celebration is planned. And don’t be offended.

• If I can’t attend the wedding but am sending a gift, when should I send it? It is ideal if you can send the gift two to four weeks before the wedding. Know that the bride and groom will be too busy the week of the wedding to do much with gifts. If you can’t send it prior to the ceremony, you may send it after the wedding but no later than two weeks after.

• I plan to give the couple a check for a wedding gift. What is appropriate? It depends on how close you are to the bride or the groom or both. If you are lifelong friends and can afford it, be as generous as you are comfortable being. If you are a casual friend, the rule of thumb is to consider the cost of your dinner and that of your guest – Plus! If you and your partner are attending and giving a joint gift, the guideline is to guesstimate the cost of dinner x 2 plus an extra – either the amount of another dinner or two.

• When should I arrive at the ceremony? It is a huge guest faux pas to show up after the bride has walked down the aisle. The preferred attendance rules are for guests to arrive about 30 minutes prior to the ceremony but certainly no later than 15 minutes in advance. You need to park the car, straighten your outfit and be seated by the ushers. Just remember that when the invitation says 5 PM ceremony, which means it starts then – not show up then.