WEDDING NOTES™ – Choose a Prime Location

We believe that the secret of planning a fabulous stress-free reception begins with finding the right venue.  Over the years we've learned plenty of secrets to help you avoid costly mistakes.

As soon as the date is confirmed with the clergy or officiant, contact should be made with the manager of your preferred venues to check on availability.  If you don't have a place in mind, consider options such as hotels, banquet halls, historical sites, parks, art galleries or museums.  In choosing a reception locations, a major concern should be the convenience of your guests.  It should be easily accessible by car and no more than 30 minutes from the ceremony site.  It should be large enough to easily accommodate the number of guests you expect as well as provide comfortable seating arrangements.

Be sure to check how many events will be taking place if you are considering a multi-event location.  Ask how much time is allotted between events scheduled for the same day.  How is parking?  Is there enough room for your guest's cars?

Are there enough restrooms to accommodate your guests?  Review any restrictions the location may have regarding the type, volume and duration of the music you'd like.  Is there a public address system or do you have to provide one?  Is there an adequate power supply for speakers, instruments and amplifiers?

Ask if the facility will provide an event coordinator to cue the musicians for the first dance, toasts, cake cutting and bouquet toss.  Just to insure that each of these activities go off without a hitch, if you do not have a wedding planner, ask a couple to act as assistant hosts to greet guests and managed the various events of the evening so that you and your parents are free to enjoy the party.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Your Celebration Schedule

We know that weddings are filled with many exciting and unforgettable moments.  The commitment ceremony is very special and is considered sacred by many.  The reception is the time to celebrate.  Since this celebration is likely to be one of the biggest social events you'll ever plan, we want to help you make it truly memorable.  Here are some guidelines to help you plan the best reception ever.

Know that if your reception is likely to last four hours, you can schedule activities at a more leisurely pace.  Both your wedding planner and and/or the reception site manager can help you plan the sequence of events exactly as you wish them.  If you don't know where to start, here is an example of a well scheduled reception you may wish to consider.

Usually there are photos taken between the end of the ceremony and the start of the reception.  Work with your photographer to try to minimize the time spent with group shots.  The special effect photos that you want taken should be done before the ceremony whenever possible.  Ideally, the reception site would not be further than 1/2 hour's drive from the ceremony.  Because your guests are likely to go directly to the reception from the ceremony - and are likely to arrive before you and the wedding party do, be sure to have a reception host or hostess at the site ready to greet your guests and direct them to whatever area you have chosen for cocktails or punch and hors d'oeuvres.

Once you and the bridal party have arrived, the DJ or master of ceremonies should introduce you.  If you have not had a receiving line at the ceremony site, it is usual to form the line immediately after being introduced.  However, more and more couples are choosing to greet guests at their tables during the reception or as guests are leaving the event.

Cocktails and appetizers are usually served before all guests are seated.  This is an appropriate time for a few toasts or you can choose to have your first dance.  Next, the main course is served and following that, guests mingle and dance.  Then the cake is cut and served along with whatever dessert(s) you have chosen.  After dessert is when the bride usually tosses her bouquet if she has decided to do so.  Know that fewer and fewer brides are following that tradition.  It is time for the final dance, guests leave and you are off to your new life together.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Advice for Guests

We spend a lot of time dealing with etiquette questions for the bride and groom, but there are guidelines for wedding guests as well. We like to remind guests that they have been invited to a very special party that is celebrating a milestone in the lives of the couple. Guest behavior guidelines are important to consider as one has been invited to witness this event. The presence of the guests is part of their gift to the couple.

Here are some questions we get asked by guests planning to attend a friend’s wedding.

• How do I know if my “significant other” is invited?  If the bride and groom are more your friends than your significant other’s, the envelope would be addressed to you only. The second inside envelope would traditionally be addressed to you and a guest or you and your partner’s name. However, many couples today are eliminating the second inside envelope, so looking at who the invitation is addressed to may give you a clue. If that doesn’t do it, check the language of the response or reply card for an idea. If you know the bride or groom well, you may ask them directly, or inquire on their web page. Don’t be surprised if the invitation is to you alone if a smaller more intimate wedding celebration is planned. And don’t be offended.

• If I can’t attend the wedding but am sending a gift, when should I send it? It is ideal if you can send the gift two to four weeks before the wedding. Know that the bride and groom will be too busy the week of the wedding to do much with gifts. If you can’t send it prior to the ceremony, you may send it after the wedding but no later than two weeks after.

• I plan to give the couple a check for a wedding gift. What is appropriate? It depends on how close you are to the bride or the groom or both. If you are lifelong friends and can afford it, be as generous as you are comfortable being. If you are a casual friend, the rule of thumb is to consider the cost of your dinner and that of your guest – Plus! If you and your partner are attending and giving a joint gift, the guideline is to guesstimate the cost of dinner x 2 plus an extra – either the amount of another dinner or two.

• When should I arrive at the ceremony? It is a huge guest faux pas to show up after the bride has walked down the aisle. The preferred attendance rules are for guests to arrive about 30 minutes prior to the ceremony but certainly no later than 15 minutes in advance. You need to park the car, straighten your outfit and be seated by the ushers. Just remember that when the invitation says 5 PM ceremony, which means it starts then – not show up then.

WEDDING NOTES™ – How Do I?

We gladly help our brides solve awkward problems that can arise when one is giving a party for 150 friends of the bride. No matter how organized one is, it is nice to have an experience specialist – a knowledgeable consultant or certified wedding planner – available for face-to-face problem solving. Every wedding is unique and so can the problems that are presented by the “people factor”.

How do I handle guests who have responded to our invitations and state on the reply card that the number or guests planning to attend is larger than the number we’ve invited?

If your quest count and budget can handle the number of “extras” indicated, chalk it up to bad manners on the part of those quests and just greet them with as much good grace as you can muster. However, if your quest count is already pushing over the budget and you truly cannot absorb the extra bodies, we suggest that you turn to your maid of honor, a tactful bridesmaid or family member who may know the offending guests well. Ask this person to call the guests in question and explain that the bride would love to expand her guest list, but unfortunately it is not possible. The reason? Budget, time, space concerns! If the person is offended – and some will be – they are not true friends. Remember that they are the ones who have overstepped the etiquette boundaries.

If you really want the invitees to attend in spite of their children, and that’s where many overages originate, you might consider adding to the reception card copy that reads “adult only reception”.

If you find that many of your invited guests are bringing uninvited children, you may just arrange for the children to be at a “separate” reception somewhere in the same venue. You can provide “sitters”, large screen TVs, lots of craft items and a separate kid friendly menu that is provided by family members.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Budget Ideas

We know that if a bride isn’t careful, the budget for her wedding can be blown in an afternoon.

Our consultants are experts at helping brides create the wedding of their dreams without the nightmares that come with being over-budget. Here are some practical ideas that we know can help avoid the budget crunch. 

• The guest list. Look at your wedding realistically. You are inviting friends and relatives to help you celebrate this important day in your lives. Others on the list are likely to be friends of both sets of parents. A conversation with each of them about the number of guests is necessary unless you and/or your parents can afford to pay for everything and everyone.

• Big floral arrangements (as seen on TV portrayals of “must have” accessories) are likely to be beyond your budget and are certainly not necessary. Take a good look at the church sanctuary and see if you really need all those flowers. Most do not. They are stand-alone places. Instead of floral overloads, we suggest renting some greenery if you have large places to fill. Use the money to enliven reception spaces if necessary.

• If you have a friend or relative who was recently married, it may be possible to borrow some things – gloves, shoes, veils or headpieces, jewelry. It will not only save you money but satisfied your need for “something borrowed”.

• When you place your order for wedding invitations, order all your wedding stationery needs at one time (including a few more than you think you will need.) Set up charges for hew extras later can be very expensive.

• While today’s invitations offer a wide variety of paper style, colors, fonts and trims. The current trend toward memorable and unique invitations may be exactly what you wanted, but be ready to spend a significant portion of your budget on that aspect of the wedding plans. A simple elegant statement can be made with ivory vellum and an interesting font choice.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Emergency Kit

You’ve planned a flawless wedding and believe with all your heart that it will go off without a hitch.

Your family has thought about and planned for any eventuality. However, should “Murphy’s Law” show up, the wise bride and her wedding consultant always have an emergency kit available.

What should go in your kit? These are the basic items we recommend for every kit. Add your own items as you see fit.

1.       A small sewing kit. At a minimum be sure it has thread to match your gown, the bridesmaid dresses, the mothers’ dresses and the tuxedos. There should be a variety of needle sizes, small scissors and a collection of extra buttons for your gown (if appropriate) for shirt fronts, safety pins and hemming tape just in case.

2.       A roll of Hollywood tape. This is used to keep low cut necklines in place among other handy uses. If you can’t find it in your area, you can find it online.

3.       A small medical supplies box. This should include aspirin or Tylenol, Tums or other antacids, band aids, smelling salts, breath mints and some PeptoBismal tablets.

4.       A box of personal grooming aids. Include a hair brush for touch ups, hair spray (used for both hair and for eliminating static cling on fabrics, hair or bobby pins, hat pins (for securing boutonnieres), your make up, mouthwash, deodorant.

5.       Rolls of Scotch Tape and white gaffer’s tape (you should be able to get at a local hardware store.) These are to be used on emergency fabric tears and on bouquets that “come undone”. Also bring a couple of sticks of white chalk to cover up stains on your white gown.

6.       Other miscellaneous items include: a lint brush, a pair of white or ivory ballet slippers for when your feet scream “take off the heels”, a small hand towel and wash cloth, a couple of zip top plastic bags, Kleenex and a bed sheet (to cover the floor in the dressing room to protect your gown as you step in to it.)

Knowing that you can cover most emergency situations should give you peace of mind. Of course, when you are prepared emergencies are less likely to happen.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Your Destination Wedding

As more and more couples are choosing to combine weddings and vacation celebrations, there are more issues to handle than brides realize.  For couples choosing this option, we have some advice for you.

• ·        Decide on your guest list which will likely be small.

• ·        Really research your chosen destination to see if it will work for you.

• ·        If it is a non English speaking place, contact the US Embassy there and ask about length of residency required before you can marry there.

• ·        If at all possible, visit the location before you make your decision.

• ·        Once decided, book as early as possible and hire a local wedding planner to handle the legwork for you.  Weddings Beautiful is a worldwide network of certified wedding planners who assist brides in coordinating their weddings.  She/he will be your eyes, ears and spokesperson as you create plans via long distance.

• ·        Be aware that other cultures may not always reply as promptly as we might expect.

• ·        Be aware that other cultures may not always have written contracts.

• ·        Learn about any restrictions or requirements that may exist for ceremonies and receptions.

• ·        Be aware of any dress requirements for the wedding couple and/or their attendants.

• ·        Be prepared to pay extra to bring your wedding dress and the groom’s wear on board your flight.

Once you have made your decision, resolve to be flexible and relaxed about the outcome.  Everything will work out!