WEDDING NOTES™ – The Grooms’ Role

Contrary to previous rumors, grooms do have more to do than just “show up at the church on time”.  There may be some who choose not to be involved in the wedding planning process, but many of today’s grooms are interested in helping to plan this milestone moment in their lives.  They want to make the wedding itself a truly shared experience.  Anna Post assembled the list below for the Emily Post Web site.

Each of these “duties” will not only help the wedding planning process, but will truly make the groom feel more a part of the plans.  He certainly can help searching out and selecting the venue for the ceremony and reception, establishing the budget, creating the guest list, making gift registry selections and the critical job of keeping his parents in the loop regarding wedding plans.

In addition to these functions, the groom’s list includes:

• Selecting the engagement ring – though these days brides may also be involved in selection.
• Choosing his wedding party – best man, groomsmen and ushers.
• Choosing the attire for the groom’s wedding party – in keeping with the style of the wedding.
• Selecting the thank you gifts for his wedding party.
• Selecting the bride’s wedding gift.
• Compiling the groom’s part of the guest list and making sure that his parents provide their guest list in a timely manner.
• Choosing the wedding bands together.
• Arranging for and purchasing the marriage license.
• Arranging for transportation from the ceremony to the reception site.
• Standing in the receiving line and greeting all the guests at the reception.
• Dancing the first dance with the bride, dancing with the couple’s respective mothers and the maid/matron of honor.
• Making appropriate toasts at both the rehearsal dinner and the reception.

WEDDING NOTES™ – With this Ring

We think the history behind the wedding traditions we’ve come to know is fascinating.  For example, the engagement process was nearly as important as the wedding itself. Weddings were arranged primarily for political and/or business reasons and not necessarily for the notion of “romantic love”.

In the days when brides were stolen, the bride’s family would insist on being reimbursed for what was considered a working member of the family.  The engagement signified the transfer of ownership from father to husband and covered a period of time during which families would negotiate and agree on the “price” of the bride.

The wedding band came to symbolize eternal love because it has neither a beginning nor an ending.  The tradition of using one grew out of the ancient custom of using circlets of grass to decorate a bride’s wrist and ankles.  Although not required to validate a marriage under civil law, rings came to be required during the 16^th century after a ruling from the Council of Trent. 

Today, rings are not required by law in order for a marriage to be legal, but few couples wed without exchanging rings as part of the ceremony. 

WEDDING NOTES™ – A Few Don’ts

As society changes, so do the social amenities that prevailed.  But class is class and some things we see done in the name of the “princess bride’s wishes” remain in poor taste.

A bridal store reported having a bride ask how to let her guests know that she wanted all of them to dress in black or white or a combination of both.  Her wedding theme was that of a black and white ball and she didn’t want it ruined by someone in a blue suit or a colorful print dress.  The store gave her good advice – “You Can’t”!  One doesn’t tell people what to wear anymore than one would tell a hostess what kind of food to serve.  The bride can control the dress of the wedding party, but that is all.  She had heard the phrase, “It’s the bride’s day”, but had to learn that it didn’t mean everyone must bow to her wishes.  Friends can spread the word but no demands must be made.

Another store reported dealing with a bride who wanted 250 guests to attend her wedding but she planned to walk away from the ceremony and to save money, meet 45 of her favorite guests for a sit down diner at a restaurant.  The advice to her was Don’t Do It!  She was advised that it would be far better to serve light refreshments to all guests following the ceremony.  This would give everyone a chance to extend their best wishes to the couple and socialize with others in attendance.  If she wished to celebrate with a special group of friends, she should do it after the official reception.  The guiding principle here is that a couple should never do anything to show preferences for one guest over another.

The same advice holds for brides who insist on adding corner copy to their wedding invitation that reads:  Cash Gifts Preferred.  Granted, more and more couples would prefer cash as a help for a down payment on a house for instance,  but that does not mean it is ok to include on the invitation to the ceremony.  That kind of news needs to be spread by word of mouth by the bride’s family and friends, or may be included in the website if one has been created.  This kind of request is known in some circles as doing a “Kardashian”.

Let our experienced consultants help you solve puzzles and questions as they arise in the course of your planning needs.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Setting the Date

He asked and you said “yes”.  Congratulations to you both.  Your engagement period signals the beginning of a wonderful and exciting time in your lives.  Where to start?  Setting the date!

As you consider various dates, times and places for your wedding, here are some points to think about.

• Think about your budget.  It is true that some months are more expensive than others.  (Think about the Law of Supply and Demand you learned in Econ 101).  In popular months (usually May through September) some reception locations, photographers, florists and bands may charge more for their services.  If you can wait for a less crowded month, you may be able to stage the same wedding for less money.

• Think about the season.  If you have been dreaming of a Christmas wedding your whole life, then go for it.  But think about the time needed for preparations and plan accordingly.  If you want a certain church, a certain reception site and a certain gown and flowers, you may have to adjust time frames.  Your answer is to book early and be prepared to be flexible on dates and/or times.

• If you are on a fast track at work or have a job that requires huge blocks of your time, be sure to engage the services of a professional wedding consultant.  He/she will end up saving you both time and sanity (and maybe even money).

• Consider scheduling your wedding around a holiday.  That can give you both a theme for the wedding and time for your out of town guests to attend.

• If your plans include a destination wedding, you will need to be more flexible in your dates and times.  Decide which is more important – the date of the wedding or the place of the wedding.  Once that decision is made, you can proceed.

Our wedding planners are used to working with schedules and helping busy brides create a schedule for your event and follow through with all the details necessary to create a day to remember for you and your guests.

WEDDING NOTES™ – Sharing the News

Inviting friends and family members to share your happiness over your pending marriage is a wonderful and exciting part of being engaged.  And one of the most important decisions you’ll make is the selection of all parts of your paper trousseau.  Our experienced consultants are your best source for ideas, information and advice on these key decisions.

• You should plan to order all of the items you’ll need at one time to insure that all pieces coordinate.  Our consultants will help you develop the list of various paper items you will need so stop in and talk with our specialists about those needs as you begin the search for the perfect wedding papers.

• If you are planning to invite out of town guests or if your wedding is planned for a holiday weekend, it is very wise to send Save the Date cards.  These are usually sent out four – six months prior to the wedding date.  But a word of caution:  Be sure that those guests who receive Save the Date cards remain on your invitation list.   That means that you must have the number of guests planned for the wedding and reception firmly in mind when you place the invitation order.

• Because invitations offer guests a preview of the formality and tone of the weeding, a great deal of thought should go into their selection.  Formal wording should be used for formal weddings.  Individuality can be expressed by choosing unique sizes, textures, colors, overlays and/or ribbon trims.

• Unless the wedding is an extremely small and intimate affair, a reply card with a self- stamped, pre- addressed envelope is usually enclosed with the invitation.

• Programs, while optional, are very nice to have for guests as they describe the ceremony and the identity of the participants.

• Thank you notes should be ordered at this time as well.  There are several options for incorporating the names of the couple on these notes.

• Plan to send your invitations six – twelve weeks before the event.

We will be delighted to assist with advice and guidance in all your paper trousseau selections.