WEDDING NOTES™ - Who is Walking You Down the Aisle?

While tradition says that the bride is escorted down the aisle by her father who then "gives" her in marriage to the groom, today's brides have many options.

And while the bride's escort is not considered an attendant, this person is a very important part of the ceremony and clearly a part of the bride's life.  The person chosen could be a father, a step father, a brother, an uncle or even a mother, aunt, sister, cousin or friend.  Whatever role that person plays in the bride's life, this function in her wedding is very important and walking with the bride down the aisle on the way to her new life deserves remembrance.

Many jewelers are creating a special lapel pin or brooch for presentation to that special someone.  It shouldn't be elaborate or showy, but it should be tastefully done perhaps with a monogram and date or with a symbol of the wedding - bells, doves, a flower or the bride's initials - there a many options.  The purpose is to say thank you and give that person a keepsake that speaks to the importance of what that person has meant in the bride's life.  It can be given at the rehearsal dinner if attendant gifts are being given then, or saved for a few moments before the processional begins.  As they are lining up, the bride pins this memento to her escorts lapel or gown with a special hug and heartfelt thank you.

WEDDING NOTES™ - What About Attendant Gifts?

What is traditional?  Jewelry the female attendants will wear in the wedding and engraved money clips for the groomsmen are the usual fare.  But what about bridesmaids who have chosen different style gowns in the fabric and color the bride has chosen?  While one strapless version can handle the necklace, maybe the jewel necked version can't.  Brides may choose to give the wedding jewelry as a gift to their attendants because they want the symmetry of everyone the same, but brides may give more thought to a gift that is more personal and says thank you for being in my wedding and an important part of my life.

We are seeing more brides - and grooms too - putting real thought into their attendant gifts.  And we are seeing more individual gifts that reflect that person's tastes and preferences rather than a one size fits all gift.  Granted, giving individualized gifts takes more time and thought, but can reflect a deeper appreciation for that person's role in your life and your wedding.

A cookbook or monogrammed measuring cup for someone who likes to cook, a novel by a favorite author for a passionate reader, two tickets to a movie theater with a gift card for dinner or drinks at a favorite hangout, a clutch handbag for the" fashionista", electronic gear for the gizmo fanatic or a special bottle of wine for the aficionado are all options to consider.

Wedding party gifts don't have to be "wedding" focused, nor is there such a thing as a "standard" gift that is expected.  These are treasures you have found to say thank you to people who matter to you.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Ringing News

For many if not most brides, a diamond engagement ring with matching wedding band is the ultimate.  But with all of the options available to today's bride, more and more creativity is being seen.

Many jewelers are able and willing to create one-of-a-kind designs for their bridal customers who want their matching bands to be uniquely theirs.

 Some jewelers are creating specialty rings that combine birthstones and diamonds and others are specialists in creating new designs from heirloom or vintage pieces.  For some modern brides their "something old" may well be the diamonds or other precious stones that have come down from family members.  Combining stones from both mothers' wedding bands for the new bride is a powerful symbol of family unity.

Some couples are looking at ceramic rings.  Many modern jewelry designers have created stunning designs in ceramic that are shatter and scratch resistant, lightweight and functional. 

Of course, there is a vast market for the traditional simple band of silver, gold or platinum chosen to offset the drama of a gorgeous diamond engagement ring.

Whatever the couple chooses, there has never been a wider selection or more creative options available.

WEDDING NOTES™ - How Many Attendants Should I have?

Like many aspects of wedding planning, there were once rather rigid guidelines that ruled the how and the who of weddings.  Some experts used a formula that said there should be a bridesmaid and usher for every 45-50 guests.  Fortunately, that has long been abandoned.

Bridesmaid numbers depend on who is close to the bride and who she wants to stand up for her.  Likewise the groom is freer to select who and how many of his friends to include.  But when selecting attendants, remember an important guideline - how many can you afford to have?  Every attendant is entitled to bring a guest so realize that every one you have means two for the reception per plate charge.

Once you've decided on a number, the bride and the groom should prepare a priority list of attendants.

You'll need to consider each other's families in creating the selection list.  A bride may wish to include the top tier of her sorority sisters leaving no room for the groom's sisters or the groom may wish to have a group of fraternity brothers plus his own brothers.  Once a number of attendants is agreed upon, something has to give.

What happens if the bride has eight friends she can't live without in her wedding party, but the groom - an only child has only 4 close buds?  If your budget can handle the expense, there are always ways to handle an unbalanced wedding party.  For the processional, one groomsman can escort two bridesmaids - one on each arm.  Or if symmetry is important, forget about male/female and just go by the numbers.  You have 12 attendants total and there will be 6 on each side of the bride and groom - 2 guys and 4 girls on each side.  This works especially well in wedding photos.  The result is balanced with color and diversity on each side of the bridal couple. 

It is your wedding day and common sense and good manners should take precedence over the "rules".

WEDDING NOTES™ - A New Twist on Business Cards

If you work the chances are excellent that you have access to the company’s business cards or have cards bearing your name and title.  We are starting to see business cards bearing the names of the bride and/or groom who are in the business of getting married.  As one consultant put it, "Depending on the budget, the bride may actually be a fairly big business."  Cards are easily self printed on one's computer or can be done economically at many print shops.

Here is an example of useful copy:

Bride:  Mary Jane Doe      Groom:  John Michael Smith

Wedding Date:  June 15, 2015

E-mail special promotion or individual offers to:  maryjohn@mysite.com

Fax to: 999-999-9999   or Mail to:  12345 MyStreet North, My City, Stateand Zip

Including your phone number - home or cell - is your call.   Some brides are already inundated by phone calls and don't want or need more. 

Including the statement about "special promotions" gives vendors a clue that you are interested and ready to shop.

You may want to include a photo of yourselves.  The question most brides ask is whether to use their wedding site or to create a new temporary site just for receiving bids, information and for maintaining the wedding budget.  That is your call.

Once printed, stock your purse or brief case with cards and hand them out freely to vendors throughout the wedding planning process.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Flowers for the Ladies

Brides can get so focused on her flowers and decorative arrangements for the church and reception venue that she can give little thought to the flowers for others in the wedding.  One rule of thumb that is helpful to the bride as she orders corsages for other family members.  That rule is "If the word 'mother' is in the description, the lady gets a corsage.  And that means both the bride's and the groom's sides.   That includes mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, god mothers, stepmothers, and foster mothers.  They are all honored guests at the wedding and each should receive a wedding day corsage or wristlet.

The flowers don't have to be elaborate but should be suitable.  They don't have to be identical.  You may wish to have something special for the mothers, a different flower and/or color for grandmothers etc.  Choose soft, neutral colors that tend to go with everything.  

It is far better to choose less expensive corsages for everyone than to choose expensive flowers for a few and leave others out completely.  The flowers you present to them should convey love and respect for the influential women in your lives.  Be sure to include the names of these women in your flower order.  Then include one or two extras just to insure that everyone who matters to you is covered.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Consider the Music

Your wedding day should ring with the music you like best!  Think about the memorable opportunities presented by events at your wedding.  Think about how you will remember them because of the music that was playing when they happened.  Most wedding days go by in a flash and too many couples say they can't believe it's over.  Picking the right music for the right event will help to focus attention on it and make it a fond memory for you.

Ceremony music is generally traditional if not dictated by the rules of the church where it's being held.  You'll have soft music playing prior to the processional, then the processional with music for the wedding party and something special for the bride's entrance.  Musical selections during the ceremony are usually done as part of the ritual or because a piece of music is special to the couple.  The recessional is joyful and celebratory.

Music for your reception is less restrictive.  You get to choose the theme, the tone, the tunes and the action.  It is your personal choice (as a couple).  Whether you prefer the classics, or country or big band or Broadway show tunes or rock and roll, this is your night.  The best part of this is choosing the music that matters to you for the key events at your reception.  Choose your favorite songs for the following:

• ·         your grand entrance
• ·         your first dance as a couple
• ·         the father-daughter dance
• ·         the mother-son dance
• ·         the cake-cutting ceremony
• ·         the bouquet toss
• ·         the garter toss
• ·         your last dance
• ·         any unique dance like a money dance, a feature dance with the winners of the bouquet and garter toss

Be sure you provide a play list for the musicians or DJ working your wedding.  Make sure that they have a script of what to play when and entrust that list to a close friend or the master of ceremonies at your wedding.  It's fine to think of your guests and their music choices.  Select some pieces that will insure that everyone who wants to gets a chance to dance.  But you will remember your reception with joy if events were held while music you love played.

WEDDING NOTES™ - A Second Use

One busy consultant has discovered a second use for the wonderful invitations sent to guests.  Lots of thought and emotion has gone into their selection, addressing and mailing.  They set the tone for the couple's pending wedding.  But the truth is, most guests don't save the invitations past the wedding date.  It is sad to think of the majority of them ending up in the trash.

She encourages brides to think about a special design of the invitation that makes them useful by a charity that can repurpose them.  If the invitation is designed with a gorgeous photograph or piece of art on the cover withno text on the back of that design, the invitation can be given new life as all-occasion greeting cards by the children at St. Jude's Ranch.

The children at St. Jude's Ranch raise money by transforming the cards.  Include a small note in the invitation envelope encouraging guests to either send the invitation on to St. Jude's Ranch or urge guests to bring the invitation to the ceremony or reception where there will be a special box to receive them.

Enlist a friend or relative to be in charge of gathering the invitations (not the envelopes or other inserts) and after your wedding, putting them all into a flat rate postal box and mailing the box off to St. Jude's.  If you like the idea, just remember that you'll need to think of the second use when you are creating the initial design.

The address to which the cards should be sent is:

St. Jude's Ranch for Children

100 St. Jude's Street

Boulder City, NV 89005

WEDDING NOTES™ - Wedding Day Accessories

The wedding gown is clearly the star of the day.  You spent a good deal of time choosing it and can't wait to wear it on your big day.  How you accessorize that gown is important to consider.  Your bridal consultant will have helped you select the proper undergarments, the best shoes and the right veil or headpieces to complete the look, but there are other areas to consider.

• Jewelry is important but unless you are wearing "the family jewels", don't be tempted to over accessorize the gown with what one consultant has called "glaring distractions that draw unwanted attention”.  Jewelry worn on your wedding day should be simple and delicate.  The best advice is not to be upstaged by your own jewelry.  If you have a piece of heirloom jewelry wear it and let it be your "something old".

• Gloves for the wedding party are staging a comeback and are being worn in more and more weddings.  Fortunately, there are many choices available.  The formality of the wedding gown and the time of day of the event have governed the length of the glove.  Wrist length gloves and usually worn in the morning or afternoon events while elbow length gloves usually are chosen for evening weddings.  Over the elbow style have traditionally been worn only at ultra formal events.  But today's bride really only has one key guideline to consider.  As long as the top of the glove doesn't overlap the sleeve of the gown, it's ok.  Today's strapless bridal gowns frequently are accessorized with over the elbow length gloves.
  
  In addition to various lengths, brides can choose from fingerless gloves or pre-slit gloves which make the ring ceremony much easier to manage.

• Glasses can present a problem for some brides and grooms who wear them on a daily basis.  Photographers sometimes ask them to remove the glasses for photos to eliminate glare.  If one also has contacts and wears them regularly, there is no problem.  Wear contacts for the wedding.  But don't just buy contacts for the ceremony if one is not used to them.  Instead, consider your glasses as part of your wedding day look.  Perhaps considering "wedding day" glasses can be part of your wedding trousseau and a gently rounded frame with very thin ear pieces will help the veil and headpieces fit more securely.  Consider antiglare lenses.  If you wear glasses every day, you want to look like yourself in your wedding photos.

WEDDING NOTES™ - The Label in Your Wedding Gown

In an effort to make sure that brides get what they pay for when they buy their wedding gown, the Federal Trade Commission has established guidelines that federal law requires on wearing apparel.

Jodie Bernstein, Director of FTC"s Bureau of Consumer Protection has said that the "emergence of discount ordering services - either through toll-free telephone numbers or the Internet - has spurred some retailers to remove disclosure labels from their gowns.  It is not against the law to remove manufacturers' labels and replace them with a store's own labels, but it is illegal to sell or show a gown that doesn’t have the required information at all."  The required information must be on every garment offered for sale, including wedding gowns.

This is what is mandated:

• *The identity of the manufacturer, distributor or retailer, either by name or by registered identification number (RN).

• *The garment's fiber content.

• *Federal law requires that clothes carry a label that identifies the country of origin.

• *All garments must carry permanently affixed care labels telling consumers how to clean and care for them.

Well established bridal salons stand behind the gowns they carry and meet all FTC requirements.  Full service stores stand behind all of the merchandise they carry and display with pride.

For copies of this policy go to the FTC web site at http://www.ftc.gov and request copies of "Wedding Gown Labels:Unveiling the Requirements"

WEDDING NOTES™ - Fit for the Groom

Make sure that the groom and his wedding party are sized and fit for their formal wear by someone who knows the correct look.  Most formal wear experts will tell you that tuxedos fit somewhat differently than the jackets and trousers men wear on a daily basis.

• *Tuxedo pants tend to fit looser than the pants men wear daily.  That fact makes most men think the trousers are too big and they lobby for a smaller size.  But tux pants have a looser fit on purpose.  It keeps the pleats flat and the pockets from bulging open.  They don't fit like everyday jeans!

• *Tuxedo shirts should fit well at the neck - no gaping and no restrictive tightness.  A perfect fit lays comfortably at the neck.  The shirtsleeves should edge just past the wrist and no more than one inch of cuff should show beneath the sleeve of the jacket.

• *Pant legs should rest gently across the top of the shoes.  Too frequently, tux pants are not properly hemmed and either touch the floor in the back or display too much sock.

• *A properly fitted jacket will not show strain at the seams nor will there be pulling across the shoulders.  The jacket will button comfortably without gaping.

• * The cummerbund should fit comfortably at the waistline and should not slip or slide out of place.

• *If there is a vest as part of the package, it should button or close comfortably around the shirt without puckering the shirt of sagging front or back.

Alerting the groom/groomsmen to these fit variations before the wedding party is fitted, will help insure that they look their best on your big day.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Degree of Formality

One of the most important early decisions you can make is how formal you want your wedding to be.  That degree of formality will drive many of your wedding day choices and the information you share with guests.  Here are the traditional explanations of dress for the various levels of formality.

*White tieis the most formal.  For man, that means a black tailcoat with matching full-dress trousers, a white waistcoat, a white shirt with a stiff wing collar worn with a white bow tie, white button-on suspenders and pearl shirt studs.  For women it means a full length gown, fine jewelry, elegant shoes, styled hair and well done make up.  Know that if you choose this level of style for your wedding, most guests will have to incur the expense of renting formalwear.  It should be stated on the invitation.

*Black tie means you expect a formal elegant dress on guests.  Men should wear a black dinner jacket with matching trousers without cuffs, a black cummerbund or waistcoat, a white shirt with a black bow tie.  For women it means an elegant gown - either cocktail or calf length for a daytime wedding or full length for an evening wedding.  If you expect this level of formality, be sure to state it on the invitation.

*Other designations - Semi formal, Cocktail, Informal, Dressy Casual or Casual are the usual other choices and in many areas leave guests unsure at to what it means.

"Semi formal dress means that men may wear dark suits and ties with dress shoes and women may choose either cocktail or full length dresses with tasteful jewelry, evening shoes and handbags.

Cocktail means dress or business suits with ties for men, and a cocktail length dress for women.

Informal means that men may wear a suit or a sport coat, with or without a tie, and women can wear any nice, shorter length dress with appropriate accessories.

Dressy casual is one of those terms that is hard to pin down, but most folks agree that it mean a sport coat with contrasting slacks for men and a nice dress or pantsuit for women.

Casual means a shirt and slacks for men, and a skirt or pants with a blouse or casual dress for women.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Plugged In or Not?

This era of Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and hashtags, some additional social "rules" are being developed.  And it is a wise couple that addresses the issues raised by social media before their wedding so that guests know their preferences in advance.  It should not be stated on the formal wedding invitations.  There is no line for "please unplug".  However, it can be stated on the couple's wedding web page, printed on the programs, by a printed reminder posted at the guest book or even a part of an admonition from the celebrant at the ceremony.

As one wedding planner has said, "It's obviously not going to go away ---it's about managing it."  "There are some large issues like when a friend share's a photo of the bride's dress when they are out shopping that are not appropriate.  You always have the person who overshares."  It is understandable that couples want to be able to control the images that go out there for their wedding.

Here are some hints from experienced wedding planners about how to manage social media etiquette.

• ·         Guests should refrain from taking photos during the ceremony.  That has been a long standing rule and is not unique to this electronic age.  The problem for today is the number of cameras in the room.  At one time there were maybe 3 or 4 in addition to the professional photographer hired to capture those once in a lifetime opportunities.  Now every guest with a phone has a camera.  Spread the message widely. 

• ·         Guests should be sensitive to the photos they do post.  Photos should show the bride and groom in the best light.  Save those candid shots of the bride or groom for the couple alone.

• ·         The bride and groom should both unplug for the day.  Focusing on the events of the big day rather than checking messages or snapping photos should be the guiding theme.  They should both agree on the social media stance.  Guests should unplug during the ceremony.

• ·         It is an absolute no-no to show photos of the bride's gown before the wedding day.  Even if a bridesmaid took photos in the fitting room while shopping with the bride, IT DOES NOT GO PUBLIC.  Do not post!!!!

• ·         Do not post anything about the wedding without clearing it with the couple first.  Honor the couple's privacy.  It is common courtesy.

• ·         Unless you are a professional photographer hired by the couple, do not post video content on YouTube or other social media outlet.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Five Mistakes Brides Make When Shopping For Their Wedding Gown

1.  Bringing an Entourage -  It's hard to know if the reality TV shows have influenced the bride and convinced her that she needs to have a dozen opinions about her wedding gown before she can make a choice.  If it isn't the TV shows then there must be something in the water.  It is not a good idea to show up with a crowd.  It is stressful for the bride and adds very little to the efficiency of the day.  Most consultants will caution the bride to bring at most - her best friend, her mother and maybe one other person whose opinion she values.  Unless the bride to be has promised grandma that she can have the final word on the bride's gown in return for paying for it, try to keep the crowd down.  For practical matters, many bridal shops are simply not equipped to deal with 8- 10 extra people with each bridal party.  Do yourself a favor and take only those few persons whose opinion you value.

2.  Shopping too Early - We know that brides are excited to begin the search for THE GOWN, but more than 12 months in advance is seen as a hindrance rather than a blessing.  Styles can (and will) change, your tastes may change, your plans may change.  Before the great gown search begins, you should have a good handle on your wedding budget, the venues for the ceremony and reception and the kind of wedding you have in mind.  Certainly buy the wedding magazines, start thinking about your wedding themes and potential sites, but until things are locked down and you know how much you can spend and the sites you've chosen, it is better to wait.

3.  Trying on too many gowns - We all know brides who have found their gown after trying on only a couple of styles, but out of fear that they will miss some other gown if they don't shop around and try on dozens of gowns, they keep going from store to store.  Some brides brag that they have tried on dozens of dresses.  Others claim that it is fun to try on dozens at an equal number of wedding salons.  But most experienced consultants suggest that trying on more than 7 or 10 tops, is a waste of time because gowns become "a sea of white" and the bride emerges confused not delighted.

4.  Demanding the wrong size- Wedding gowns can run 1 to 2 sizes smaller than RTW.  Don't get hung up on a specific size.  Sizes can vary from designer to designer.  Listen to the consultant who is assisting in the fitting room and remember that alterations are always easier when a gown has to be taken in rather than let out.

5.  Being swayed by deep discount - Everyone likes a bargain and if the dress you love and must have is on sale, then good for you.  But to buy your wedding gown solely because "it is such a fabulous deal" isn't the best idea.  We always caution a bride against buying a dress she doesn't love just because it is on sale.

To insure that you shop for the best with the best, plan to shop for and purchase your gown at a full service bridal salon where the selection and service will make this once in a lifetime event  a truly memorable one.  Shop at a store that has been selected for membership in National Bridal Service.

For a time, wedding programs were seen as nice but not necessary. They were an item that budget conscious brides often omitted or provided reluctantly to those guests who requested one. That is changing. Programs are seen as integral to the ceremony and as keepsakes for the wedding.

Programs are a way to share information about your wedding ceremony with your guests and for many of those guests, are a lasting keepsake from your big day.

 • Program design is taking center stage rather than a plain typed sheet of white paper. Tri folds on excellent quality paper stock with font styles that match those chosen on invitations are being seen a more and more wedding ceremonies. If it is an outdoor wedding, the programs are printed as fans for guests to use.

• No longer just done on plain paper, today's programs feature designs or photos or sketches. The colors on the programs are chosen to match or compliment the wedding colors or themes.

• Brides and grooms are hiring graphic designers to create their wedding monogram which in turn becomes the centerpiece for invitations and other wedding papers including programs, napkins, thank you notes and even cake tops.

 • Programs can be personalized with a quote that is important to the couple, or poetry or song lyrics.

 • Program backs provide a place to explain floral dedications to departed loved ones, or are the place for a heartfelt thank you to guests for sharing the couple's big day.

• Programs should be handed out by greeters as guests enter the facility. They could be placed on individual chairs in the ceremony venue, but having greeters for guests is a nice touch.

• In addition to listing the names of the members of the wedding party and the couple's parents, grandparents and special relatives, some brides have asked that the guest list be printed on the program. It gives guests a chance to see who is in attendance that they might know and insures that the program will be kept and not tossed.

• Many programs include a personal note from the couple that talks about why a particular song was chosen to be played in the ceremony, a transcript of the personal vows that the couple have chosen.

• The program is a schedule of events in the ceremony, any communal responses required of the guests, and an opportunity to explain any ceremony addition that is part of a mixed cultural tradition.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Wedding Dollars

National statistics show a wide disparity in the cost of a wedding.  It all depends on where you live.  According to PARADE magazine in 2013 gown costs ranged from on average - $804 in Alaska to $3,027 in Manhattan.  That should be no surprise, just as it shouldn't surprise the couple that weddings require cash outlay.  What does surprise some couples is how fast and easy a budget can be exceeded if one is not careful.

Try to avoid the mindset which says, "I'll only do this once so I'll charge it now and pay it off later".  Once the wedding budget has been established, spending wisely and saving widely should be the guide.

·         Some couples start with a wedding piggy bank.  Get a large one (without the easy access of a cork in the bottom) and resolutely empty all the change into it every day.  If you have to smash the pig to get at the $$ you are less likely to spend from the pig.  Pulling out the cork or plug to grab a handful of change is too easy and too tempting.  With two people depositing change every day and an engagement of say 6 months, the pig should be full.  It won't pay for everything but the symbolism and daily ritual will keep you mindful of your budgeting vows.

·         Some couples consider a wedding day loan.  With interest rates fairly low, it might make sense for some.  Couples with adequate financial resources take out a wedding loan for convenience rather than necessity.  It makes it clear how much $$ is to be spent.  However, if one is taking out a loan out of need, it may not be a great idea.  It is a bad way to begin married life together, especially if either the bride or the groom or both are also handling paybacks on college loans.  Before a couple considers a wedding day loan, they should think long and hard about its impact on their lives.

·         One of the best ways to manage those wedding dollars is to establish a separate wedding planning account.  Whether it is funded by the couple or with parental contributions, that account is a good way to manage the funds.  It is too easy to get off budget when expenses are paid by a variety of credit or debit cards.  A wedding only account makes it clear where the money is going.

·         More and more couples are considering wedding insurance with covers accidents or damage at the ceremony or reception, and provides protection on a wide range of events like damage to the wedding gown or the failure of vendors to honor their commitments.  Investigate the various options covered and vet the company before signing on the dotted line.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Name Changes

Don't forget to add this task to your to do list.  There are lots of places that need to know that your name has changed (or the groom's name if he is taking yours or you are joining your last names with a hyphen).  Be smart and wait to make the changes once your post wedding address is firmed up.  It's simpler to change both names and addresses at the same time and far less confusing for the organization involved.

Places requiring an update on your personal identification are: Social Security Administration, your state drivers license or ID card, voter registration card, credit cards, military ID, passport. 

You will need to notify  these organizations and businesses:  banks, mortgage holders, landlords, employers human resources department, health care providers, insurance companies, utilities, US Post office, attorneys, licensing boards and any clubs to which you belong.

The following documents will also need to be updated:  your will, any deeds you have for property owned, any vehicle registrations you have and any legal contracts that bear your signature.

We also recommend that you obtain a few certified copies of your marriage license.  Social Security will need a copy and other entities might.  Just have copies available in case they are needed.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Your Paper Trousseau

Here is a quick review of all the items that make your wedding paper trousseau.  Whether you choose to include all the items or not is purely your choice, but it is good to consider each item and then include or reject it according to your needs.  What is important to remember is that the way you present yourself on paper will give your guests a clue about your wedding.  You can spend a small fortune on elegantly printed paper stock if you wish, but you don't have to.  Most experts will agree that aside from the invitations and thank you notes, all other items are nice but optional.

The full paper trousseau can include the following:  invitations, place cards, programs, thank you cards, announcements, save-the-date cards, escort cards, RSVP cards, reception cards, menu cards, cocktail napkins, cake napkins, dinner napkins, printed hangtags for favors or personalized favor boxes, personal letterhead which includes your name, address, email, phone number(s) and wedding date for all vendor confirmations and a guest book.

Generally all printed items carry through the theme of the wedding with similar print styles and colors.

You can arrange with the US Postal Service to purchase wedding themed postage stamps for the mailings.  There is no surcharge for official stamps.  Or you can arrange with a commercial printed to have custom printed stamps that reflect your choice of design but expect to pay an additional charge for customization. 

You can order custom sealing stickers for invitation envelopes as well.

Paper trousseau items can be lovely,so if there is where you choose to invest some funds, that is your choice.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Tipping for Wedding Services

Who should I tip and how much is a usual question our consultant's are asked.  Our advice is preceded by a reminder that tipping should always be about a job well done.  Consider this basic premise when allocating dollars for tips and increase or decrease from the following guidelines based on the service provided.  For simplicity sake, it is usually best to entrust tips to one person - the bride's father or the best man on the wedding day and to have the amonts prepared in advance and in labeled envelopes for distribution wherever possible.

Here are some service providers and suggested guidelines for gratuities.

• ·         Hair stylists - 15% -20% of the fees, plus 5% for the shampoo assistant.
• ·         Makeup artists - 15% to 20% of fees
• ·         Valets - $1 -$2 per car to be divided among all valets
• ·         Coat Checkers - $1- $2 per coat to be divided among all checkers
• ·         Chauffeurs - 15% - 20% of transportation bill
• ·         Catering staff - up to 20% of catering bill to be divided among all staff
• ·         Bartenders - 15% to 20% of bar bill if tipping by guests was permitted as in a cash bar, or up to 30% if guests were not permitted to tip.

For officiants at ceremonies and musicians/soloists check with your ceremony site contact about the usual fee.  If they say "free will offering" here are usual guidelines. 

• ·         For civil ceremony officiates - $50 - $75 - and for religious officiants the same.  The best man can handle distribution of these for the couple.
• ·         Ceremony soloists or pianist/organist - $35 to $75

Even florists, photographers, videographers, bakes, seamstresses may sometimes deserve tips under extraordinary circumstances.  Remember to include a line item in your wedding budget for tips to insure that no one will be forgotten.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Seven Tips from Wedding Planners

Professional wedding planners and designers from WEDDINGS BEAUTIFUL WORLDWIDE (WBW) have lots of helpful hints for brides as they plan their weddings.   While they may not guarantee a bump free road, some preplanning can minimize the likelihood of problems on your big day.

*If you really can't afford a wedding designer or have dreamed of doing much of the wedding planning yourself, consider hiring a wedding planner that offers a "week or day of" coordinator.  Especially if your wedding is large and will be held at multiple locations, the coordinator can be a life saver and will insure that all the plans will be carried out without bumps.

*When looking around for a wedding site, consider a single location for the ceremony, the reception and hotel accommodations.  It will not only minimize travel complications, but may turn out to be more cost effective than having guests and the wedding party traveling all over town to get to events.

*Attend bridal shows early in your engagement.  They can be fun and the source of super ideas and resources.  Don't plan on attending too many, that will only result in information overload.  Pick a couple early on in your planning phase and then stop.

*Number the backs of RSVP cards to correspond to the guest address lists.  When the cards come back to you you'll know who has responded and who hasn't, plus it will help to decipher illegible handwriting.

*If your wedding venue has multiple weddings on your weekend, check to see what rentals the other brides are using.  You may be able to use rented greenery or tables and chairs at a special rate.  You won't know until you ask.

*Bring extra shoes in your wedding case.  You have chosen your wedding shoes clearly, but you never know.  Bring heels, a pair of wedges and a pair of flats.  Heels have been broken just before the trip down the aisle.  A few pairs of footwear options are very reassuring.

*Pack your emergency kit.  Include tissues, double stick tape, medications, sewing kit, scissors, band aids, and breath mints.  Also tuck in a single knee high nylon stocking.  It works wonders to remove deodorant marks on dresses.

WEDDING NOTES™ - New Versions of Old Ideas

Today's brides find themselves wanting both a tie to traditions and a wedding that reflects their unique view of life.  Our brides have shared their concerns and wishes with our consultants over the years and this is what we have learned from them.

*It's the bride's big day.  That's true, it is a big day for her.  The bride is the centerpiece and every bride is beautiful.  But wielding that concept can easily slip into "It's all about me and what I want" mentality.  When in fact, a wedding is "our" big day.  The bride wouldn't be a bride without the groom and he would not be a groom without his bride.  This is a day to celebrate the couple and the new family they are creating.  A wedding is the union of two families and this event is a celebration of that reality.

*Guests need favors.  They really don't need to take home a box of candy, or flower seeds, nor are they likely to plant a tree that they got from a wedding (the parents of the bride may or the couple may).  Most guests would prefer to nibble on wedding cake at the reception and not carry a slice home in a beautifully wrapped package.  Really think through the whole concept of favors.  If you love gifting guests, go for it and find the perfect picture frame or monogrammed bottle of wine or handmade truffles.  But guests don't need a gift.

*The groom can't see me before the ceremony.  Yes he can!  Especially if you have multiple venues to drive to as part of the wedding day plans.  More and more couples complain that the day goes by in a haze as both bride and groom seek out guests and go from event to event.  Some of the most meaningful time couples have spent is time together before the wedding.  Dressed in their wedding garb, they take the time to be together, to contemplate what they are about to do and to relish in their love for each other.  He will think the bride is beautiful in her gown whether he sees her before she walks down the aisle or as she does.

*This is THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF MY LIFE.   No it isn't!  It is an important day, but your life together is just beginning.  There will be milestones throughout your lives together.  Your life will be filled with many memorable and important days.  This one is the first - not the only.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Wedding Day Energy

It will be an exciting and event filled day, but it is also a long day and one that can leave you very, very tired once the adrenalin rush subsides.  Your day may begin with hair and makeup appointments and even if the wedding is an evening one, you'll be busy all day with cameras flashing and video rolling. Here are some suggestions that can help conserve the energy necessary to get through the day in style.

*Get a good night's sleep the night before.  If your rehearsal and groom's dinner are the night before the wedding, it may be tempting to stay out late and party, but try to get home and snuggled in before the midnight hour.

*Eat breakfast!  Go for a combination of carbs and protein.  The carbs will give you an initial burst of energy to get you going and the protein will keep you feeling full longer.  Not a fan of a big breakfast?  Try a combo of whole wheat toast, fresh fruit and Greek yogurt.

*Stay hydrated.  Although drinking plenty of fluids can increase bathroom trips (which combined with nerves are not fun for brides in gowns), it is important to have enough fluids in you.  Being dehydrated can result in headaches, weakness, dizziness and can make you cranky.  Don't try to front load all the fluids before noon.  Consume water throughout the day.

*Pack some snacks.  You may get busy and have no time for lunch.  If yours is an evening wedding, you may go all day without food.  Take neat finger foods that can be nibbled like trail mix.  Avoid any messy foods that can drip on your clothing or may get stuck in your teeth.  Stash some nibbles in the limo or whatever mode of transport is taking you to the reception.

*Try to avoid a caffeine binge.  Avoid those energy drinks.

*Eat dinner.  You paid for it, enjoy it.  And watch the alcohol intake. You've worked hard to create a memorable wedding for your family and guests.  A bride with too much to drink is not one of the memories you want to create.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Writing Your Own Vows

As a special way to make their wedding unique, some couples are attempting to write their own vows. If that is in your plans, here are some things to keep in mind as you consider this.

• This can be a huge undertaking.  It is like being an author/poet and public speaker at the same time.  Some people can pull it off and others can't.  Think about it clearly before you commit to making it an integral part of your ceremony.

• Make sure it's even possible.  Many churches don't allow personalized vows.  Couples are required to recite a specific and traditional set of vows.  Even officiants who OK the concept may want to have final approval of what you have chosen to say.

• Start early.  You may have learned to cram for finals in college, but this is not the time or place to just "jot down a few ideas the night before and wing it".

• Make sure that both of you are on the same page.  The bride may have something serious and somber in mind, while the groom is thinking funny and light.  Talk about the tone of the vows that will work for both of you.  Pick a common theme to guide you both.  Consider this - do you want to know what he/she will say before the ceremony or is it to be a surprise?

• Feel free to copy words or ideas from books or plays.  Quote a famous poet or author whose work resonates with you.

• Remember that you are speaking before a large audience.  Don't make the vows so personal that no one knows what you are talking about.  Your guests have been invited to witness your vows in order to make the marriage bond public.  If you have more material than works in the profession of vows, save it and use it for toasts during the reception.

• Don't go on and on.  Note how long it takes to say required vows and time yours accordingly.  One minute or so is usually enough.

• Practice, practice, practice.