WEDDING NOTES™ - Invitation Etiquette

Yes, life is less formal these days.  Yes, times have changed but when you receive an invitation to an event there are some obligations if you are to remain on the guest list.  These reminders are from Emily Post - THE social interaction specialist.

·         RSVP This term is from the French.  It means "Repondez, s'ilvous plait", or please reply.  It has been around for a long time and it is telling you that your host really wants to know if you are coming to his/her event.  The expectation is that you will reply promptly.

·         How to reply - You respond in the manner indicated on the invitation.  If there is no response card included, sent a handwritten response to the host at the return address on the envelope.

If there is a response card fill it in and return it in the envelope provided by the date indicated.

            If it states RSVP and gives a phone number, telephone and speak to a person - answering                            machines can be unreliable.  If it says respond electronically, you may do so.  Some invitations state "Regrets Only".  Reply only if you cannot attend.  If you don't reply it is the same thing as      attending.  You'll be expected.  In the rare instance where no reply is requested, it is still polite         to let someone know you'll be there.  A phone call will work.      

·         What if you change your mind?  If you change a "yes" to a "no" be aware that it is only acceptable in case of illness, a death in the family or an unavoidable professional or business conflict.  Call the host immediately and express regret.  Know that being a "no show" is unacceptable.  If you change a "no" to a "yes" it's ok only if it will not upset the host or hostess' arrangements.  Always ask before you just show up.

·         What if you want to bring someone?  Don't even ask!  Assume the invitation was extended to the people whose names are on the invitation and no one else.   If the invitation includes the phrase Mr. John Smith and Guest - assume you may bring a date.  Don't assume you can bring your children to the event.  If they were invited the invitation would have said so.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Invitation Etiquette

Yes, life is less formal these days.  Yes, times have changed but when you receive an invitation to an event there are some obligations if you are to remain on the guest list.  These reminders are from Emily Post - THE social interaction specialist.

·         RSVP This term is from the French.  It means "Repondez, s'ilvous plait", or please reply.  It has been around for a long time and it is telling you that your host really wants to know if you are coming to his/her event.  The expectation is that you will reply promptly.

·         How to reply - You respond in the manner indicated on the invitation.  If there is no response card included, sent a handwritten response to the host at the return address on the envelope.

If there is a response card fill it in and return it in the envelope provided by the date indicated.

If it states RSVP and gives a phone number, telephone and speak to a person - answering machines can be unreliable.  If it says respond electronically, you may do so.  Some invitations state "Regrets Only".  Reply only if you cannot attend.  If you don't reply it is the same thing as      attending.  You'll be expected.  In the rare instance where no reply is requested, it is still polite         to let someone know you'll be there.  A phone call will work.     

·         What if you change your mind?  If you change a "yes" to a "no" be aware that it is only acceptable in case of illness, a death in the family or an unavoidable professional or business conflict.  Call the host immediately and express regret.  Know that being a "no show" is unacceptable.  If you change a "no" to a "yes" it's ok only if it will not upset the host or hostess' arrangements.  Always ask before you just show up.

·         What if you want to bring someone?  Don't even ask!  Assume the invitation was extended to the people whose names are on the invitation and no one else.   If the invitation includes the phrase Mr. John Smith and Guest - assume you may bring a date.  Don't assume you can bring your children to the event.  If they were invited the invitation would have said so.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Invitation Etiquette

Yes, life is less formal these days.  Yes, times have changed but when you receive an invitation to an event there are some obligations if you are to remain on the guest list.  These reminders are from Emily Post - THE social interaction specialist.

·         RSVP This term is from the French.  It means "Repondez, s'ilvous plait", or please reply.  It has been around for a long time and it is telling you that your host really wants to know if you are coming to his/her event.  The expectation is that you will reply promptly.

·         How to reply - You respond in the manner indicated on the invitation.  If there is no response card included, sent a handwritten response to the host at the return address on the envelope.

If there is a response card fill it in and return it in the envelope provided by the date indicated.

If it states RSVP and gives a phone number, telephone and speak to a person - answering machines can be unreliable.  If it says respond electronically, you may do so.  Some invitations state "Regrets Only".  Reply only if you cannot attend.  If you don't reply it is the same thing as      attending.  You'll be expected.  In the rare instance where no reply is requested, it is still polite         to let someone know you'll be there.  A phone call will work.     

·         What if you change your mind?  If you change a "yes" to a "no" be aware that it is only acceptable in case of illness, a death in the family or an unavoidable professional or business conflict.  Call the host immediately and express regret.  Know that being a "no show" is unacceptable.  If you change a "no" to a "yes" it's ok only if it will not upset the host or hostess' arrangements.  Always ask before you just show up.

·         What if you want to bring someone?  Don't even ask!  Assume the invitation was extended to the people whose names are on the invitation and no one else.   If the invitation includes the phrase Mr. John Smith and Guest - assume you may bring a date.  Don't assume you can bring your children to the event.  If they were invited the invitation would have said so.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Wedding Do's and Don'ts

Let your guiding principle be this - "As with any wedding, it's not just about you, it is also about your guests."  Brides who keep their guests top of mind as they make decisions about their wedding plans, end up with more memorable moments than do the brides who look at guests as people lucky enough to be included in the event.    With guests in mind,

Don't plan a difficult destination wedding.  Granted you want your day to be memorable both for yourself and your mate but also for those in attendance.  If you really want to be married on top of a ski slope in the hut where you first met, accept the fact that most folks will not be able or willing to make the trip.  If that's your dream - do it, but plan a major party at another time and place for all of your family and friends to celebrate with you.

Think hard about your need to DIY.  Some brides are true seamstresses and will find joy in creating and sewing their own bridal gown, six bridesmaids’ gowns, a flower girl dress and one mother's gown.  Another bride may be capable of individually fashioning 150 handmade invitations, envelopes and enclosures.  If that's you and you can keep your sanity through it all without driving others crazy in the process, then do it.  If you can save money and put your personal stamp on an aspect of the wedding, that's great.  But if you aren't, don't get stuck with a glue gun at 3 AM putting rhinestones on ribbons for the centerpieces.  Do only what you can and borrow or rent the rest.

 Do practice self care.  Do whatever helps you unwind and relax.  If you dwell on wedding plans to the exclusion of a life, you are doing no one a favor.  When you feel the tension building, be aware and stop and take a breath.  Remember you have a finance and that you are planning a life together.  Your relationship doesn't stop because you are busy planning YOUR wedding.

Do stick to your budget.  It may be tempting to fudge here and there but unless you have built in some wiggle room in the wedding finances, don't go overboard.  Remember that you can negotiate with vendors, or hire a wedding planner to be sure you stay within your budget.

Do be grateful for all the good wishes, gifts and offers to help.  Say thank you and mean it.  You are feeling loved so share it.  You'll feel better and so will the recipient.

WEDDING NOTES™ - Top Wedding Don'ts

In this era of "doing your own thing" and "I want it my way", there are some things that no bride should ever do.  Of course you want to have a fabulous day that will stay in the minds of your guests forever.  Of course your wedding will be special and as unique as you and your groom wish, but here are some "please don’ts" to consider.

·         Don't try to be superbride.  Weddings take a lot of planning and you do not need to make every single decision about every little detail yourself.  Do not spend every waking moment to planning THE WEDDING.  Don't be afraid to ask for help.  Your mom, your best friend, your cousins - people really do want to help.  Let them.  Hire a wedding planner, often times they will save you time and money. You can contract with them to handle as much or as little as you need.

·         Don't have a cash bar.  You don't invite people to a party and then ask them to pay for beverages.  There are lots of alternatives.  Have a bartender help create a special drink for the event and serve that and only that.  Or consider a wine bar or gloved waiters circulating with trays of champagne.  Or you may have a cocktail hour only and serve wine during dinner.

·         Don't include bridal registry information on your invitations.  Yes, it is good to register for gifts.  It helps invitees and insures you receive gifts you actually want and can use.  However, it is good to remember that giving wedding gifts is not mandatory.  Your guests will want to gift you but they don't need to.  Get the info out on your web site or via word of mouth but NEVER on your invitation.

·         Don't be bossy with your bridesmaids.  Remember that in the most traditional sense your bridesmaids, especially your maid of honor, are there to act as witnesses to this solemn event.

They aren't "maids" to command.  Most brides handle these relationships with skill and grace, but we have seen brides shift from "asking" to "demanding" and it isn't pretty.  They expect their bridesmaids to shell out for expensive garments, wear their hair the way the bride insists, and attend countless showers.  Yes you give them thank you gifts but along with that, remember they have lives beyond appearing in your wedding.

·         Don't make guests wait for hours between the ceremony and the reception.  It is ideal to have a venue that handles both the ceremony and the reception, but if you can't try to avoid long delays between events.  If you have your heart set on being married in your family church but the reception you want can only be held as a special location in another town, you'll have to make arrangements for guests to go directly to the reception site and have a "cocktail hour" or "coffee bar" or alternative happening while they wait for the reception to begin.